Always

Chapter Eight

Kouga had been watching her sleep in the growing daylight; the fire had gone out. She had slept calmly and evenly. She had had nightmares during her three-day slumber, but now she slept peacefully. Ginta and Hakkaku had come to fetch them for breakfast, but Kouga had barked at them to leave him be. They retreated, taking care of the tribe in his absence. There was no where he would rather be than here, holding Kagome and watching her sleep. Although he could think of a few things he would rather be doing with her rather than watch her sleep… Kouga chased those thoughts from his mind and focused on Kagome's breathing. She looked so peaceful. But he knew that he would have to wake her eventually anyways. She needed to eat to get better, and more importantly, her bandages hadn't been changed since before she had woken up yesterday. Last night, he had forgotten, because she had asked him - no, begged him - to stay, and he had been happy to oblige, holding her as they lay in bed together. Was this really happening? Had he really been in bed with Kagome? His Kagome? And was she beginning to love him? Or would her feelings change when she sees InuYasha again? He had so many questions, but did he really want to know the answers? It was much easier to just live in the present, rather than think of the past or future.

After a few hours, it was full daylight, and while Kouga stared at the cave ceiling, he felt Kagome stir. She still had her face cradled between his neck and shoulder. She began to wake, and she yawned, her breath sending chills through Kouga's body. He refrained from looking at her just yet - his emotions might send him over the edge. Instead, he waited for some sort of sign, and he finally got it.

Kagome had awoken, noticing the daylight. She yawned, and felt Kouga shudder. She looked at his face, so thoughtful, so stern. He was staring at the ceiling, but she didn't see anything in particular that he could be looking at. He must be really thinking hard. He had moved very little. She remembered that she had been laying on her right side, he on his left, and he had held onto her as if his life depended on it. Now, his right arm still lay under her so that she was still cradled by his body, but he was on his back now, apparently for the purpose of staring at that ceiling. He must know that she's awake, but he didn't acknowledge her. So, she would just have to make sure he knew. Kagome put her arm around his chest, noticing that he had slept with his armor on. That must be so uncomfortable, she thought. He hadn't moved, so now she tucked her face back into the crook of his neck, her mouth touching the delicate skin there.

“Mmm…” she sounded, moving her legs into a stretch. “Good morning.”

She could feel the instant heat in his face and neck as she touched her lips to his neck and spoke. She was pleased, but still she wondered why he didn't face her.

Kouga's friends had visited him once again, predominately Miss Electricity. The feeling had stemmed from his gut and ran both ways, into his toes and anchoring in the spot where their flesh met. He wanted to look at her, he wanted to talk to her, to hold her, but he was afraid that he wouldn't be able to without having the uncontrollable urge to kiss her. And he was very afraid of that. Even more, he was afraid of the result. He was afraid that she would push him away, be angry, and that he would lose her forever.

Instead, he simply replied, “Good Morning, Kagome.”

Kagome was unsure of what all this meant. First of all, she was wary of the strange way he was acting. Was he just being respectful? Or did he truly not love her? Secondly… well, she knew there was a secondly, but she couldn't get past the first. She came up with a plan. She would make him face her.

Kagome's right hand was already around his chest, so she simply moved it up a little, releasing one of the straps that held the armor in place. Kouga's heart began to race, but he merely used his peripheral vision to see what she was up to. Her hand moved to the left strap, undoing it as well, and she lifted the whole thing off of him and tossed it to the right of him.

“You know, you don't have to wear that thing in bed just because I'm here…” she started.

“I know,” he interrupted.

She lay there, just staring at his expressionless face for a few moments. He reminded her vaguely of Sesshoumaru. Kagome sighed. Hearing her discontent, Kouga couldn't hold back anymore. He turned his head towards her, and they were practically touching noses.

Startled, Kagome stammered. “I… I'm sorry. You can put it back if you'd like.” Her head looked down at her legs, which were still straight from stretching.

Kouga smiled. “No, it's more comfortable this way,” he reassured her.

Feeling like the old Kouga was back, Kagome smiled back. Suddenly, Kouga reached forward a few inches and lightly kissed Kagome. Shocked at first and eyes wide, Kagome drew back after several moments. She lay there, panting, suddenly aware of her heavy breathing and staring into Kouga's eyes. There were so many things she saw - love, need, fear - and she thought that she felt the same way. She did love him, and needed to be loved. And most of all, she feared being rejected. Again. Still feeling the tingly sensation of his lips against hers, and now feeling another tingle that generated in her belly, she touched Kouga's face, closed her eyes, and kissed him. She felt a burning sensation rise from her toes, filling her body with excitement. His left hand made its' way to the back of her head, pushing her closer to him as he opened his mouth, prying hers open as well. Their tongues intertwined, and Kagome felt like she was on automatic. Her body was responding and reacting on its' own. Her legs had unconsciously laced themselves with his, and they both grasped for each other needily. Kouga's left hand had left her head and traveled to her hip, careful to skip over her wound. His right arm pushed into her back, pulling her even closer, so that their whole bodies touched. Kagome's left hand simply draped under Kouga's head, but her right hand had traveled to his bare back, caressing it. He kissed her hungrily now, pressing harder, and she responded equally. He broke the kiss momentarily to place a few kisses along her jaw line and neck, which he nibbled at. She moaned with the new sensations, and it drew him back to her lips to devour them. Kagome, deciding something had to be done with her right arm, used her nails to rake Kouga's back. He let out a guttural, surreal growl, and his movements were just short of frenzied. He rubbed his lower body against hers, and she made a raspy, breathy noise that he wished to have her make over and over again. Finally, he used both his hands to cup her face, still kissing her with such force that both of their faces were pained. She lost control, and melted, leaving him to do as he pleased. Suddenly, Kouga jumped out of the bed and for a moment she thought he was going to undress, but instead he began to walk towards the cave entrance.

“Kouga?” she said, still panting heavily.

“I'm… sorry. I can't…” he began, not looking at her.

Kagome just watched him, puzzled beyond belief. She attempted to get up quickly, which made her hiss with pain. This resulted in Kouga being right next to her once again. He asked if she was all right.

“All right? All RIGHT? NO, I am NOT all right!” she yelled. Kouga looked pained as he helped her sit again, and she felt bad for snapping at him. “Don't I deserve an explanation?” she asked softly.

He nodded. “I'm sorry, but until I know for sure, I can't…” he began again.

“Are you kidding me? I wouldn't do this if I weren't sure! I've never kissed anyone like that!” she said.

“No… it's…” he searched for the words, but they evaded him.

Kagome looked at him expectantly.

Shutting his eyes tightly, he continued. “I can't, until I know for sure… that you're… not thinking of HIM!” he cried, jumping up and running from the cave.

Kagome just stared after him, mouth agape. Suddenly, it all made sense.

***

 InuYasha hadn't stopped since he left Kaede's village. He had been running for a few hours straight. He was getting close to the mountains where the Yourouzoku live. Leaping between the cliffs, he kept going, only thinking of Kagome. What did I do? I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have made her mad. If I hadn't gone to see Kikyou… The thought ripped through his head like a sword through water. He didn't know if any good had come of his sneaking off to see Kikyou, but bad had definitely become of it. And now she's with that damned wolf… He's probably got his hands all over her…

*** 

Kagome just sat where she had been, and cried. She had teared up here and there, but nothing was so upsetting to her than what Kouga had said. Not only did he reject her, but he didn't trust her. `I can't, until I know for sure… that you're… not thinking of HIM!' His words played over and over again in her mind as if she had it on her iPod playlist. She attempted to dissect it, word by word. Well, he did say `until', so he didn't exactly reject me. Maybe he's just really afraid of being rejected too. Maybe, once he sees that I'm not after InuYasha anymore, he'll lighten up and we can be together. Did he always think that I had InuYasha on my mind as we were together? Maybe that's why he's so upset. But he wasn't so upset since he kissed me. Then again, he was really distant at first. Maybe he was debating whether or not to kiss me. Kagome giggled under her breath at the thought of it. She began to manipulate her body so that she could attempt to stand up. After a few more tries, she was able to bend in such a way that it wasn't as painful, and she stood. She caught her breath, allowing her body time to recuperate from the sudden torture that was moving. She steadied herself against a wall, thinking of ways she could try to explain to Kouga how she felt. Suddenly, she heard a blast that was all too familiar…

***

Kouga, after leaving his cave, walked aimlessly about his camp for a while. After calming down a bit, he visited the sick elders, then the children, taking mental notes to keep his mind off of the betrayed and shocked look Kagome had given him. He knew that his words had probably hurt her. But he was unable to keep his feelings from her. Whenever she was around, he felt the need to tell her everything, whether it was a status report of the mountains or the health of a wolf cub, or his feelings towards her. And as he thought of her, speaking and laughing with him, he began to calm down. He had just finished with his rounds, and he called Ginta over to ready Kagome's bandages and for Hakkaku to boil some water.

“So then, are you calmer now?” Ginta asked.

A vein popping in his forehead, Kouga turned to face them.

“Well, you were yelling, so we were worried about you and nee-chan…” Hakkaku explained, backing away from a now approaching Kouga.

They each took off in their respective directions, Kouga giving up, not knowing which to punch first.

He mumbled something about wanting to put a foot up each ones' ass and started walking back towards his cave. He thought of Kagome's face when she first woke up and smiled at him. He thought of how she felt, how she tasted. When he was about 10 feet from the mouth of his home, he heard a noise; something was approaching - fast. He attempted to sniff the air, but the direction of the wind was not blowing in his favor, so he just kept listening. A few minutes later, he could tell it was close, and almost too late he recognized a growl.

"Kaze no Kizu!”

Kouga leapt away from the caves, and he looked back to see a huge row of trees that had been cleared by the Tessaiga. He ran away from the caves, shouting.

“Baka! What do you think you're doing? There are innocent children and sick elders there!” Kouga yelled.

Finally leaping into view, InuYasha shouted back. “Where's Kagome, you stupid wolf?! I came to take her back!”

Although he had heard similar things from InuYasha before, and despite the fact that he still didn't trust Kagomes' feelings entirely, that statement drove him wild with possessiveness.

“Forget it, dog breath! She's not going anywhere with you!” Kouga responded, dodging one of Tessaiga's swings.

This just made InuYasha even more furious. He swung at Kouga again. “She's not staying with you! You can't even protect her! I smelled her blood all the way down by Kaede's village!”

“That's because I brought her there to get help, baka!” Kouga taunted. He leapt further down the mountain, attempting to keep InuYasha's fury away from his tribe.

“I've had enough of your shit, Kouga! Leave Kagome alone!” he said, readying the demon fang for another attack. “Kongousouhaaaaa!”

Kouga jumped a little too wide when he should have jumped high, underestimating the Tessaiga's diamond wind scar attack. One of the diamond spears embedded itself into the back of Kouga's right leg, sending him crashing to the floor. Had he not known better, he also would have tumbled right off a cliff. Crawling away from the edge of the chasm, Kouga pulled himself to his feet to find InuYasha gone. Stunned, he simply looked around for a few moments. Suddenly he realized that the pain was a deliberate distraction…

***

Kagome, wild with fear, instantly knew what had happened. InuYasha must have found out what happened to her, and he went crazy with jealousy, as always. Even though he still wants Kikyou, all it takes is a little attention from Kouga… she blushed, thinking of the attention that they had paid each other. Her thoughts were shaken from her as she heard the all-too-familiar `Kongousouha', and she feared for Kouga. She used her hands to brace herself against the cave wall, helping her reach the entrance. Kagome stumbled into the sunlight, blocking the sun from her eyes with her hand. When her eyes adjusted, she unshielded her face to see InuYasha staring at her from a few meters away. He looked afraid and angry at the same time. She gasped, even though she had known it was him. She looked at him, and he could see the pain in her eyes. He walked to her, sheathing the Tessaiga. Kagome stood there, wondering what he was going to do or say. When he reached her, he stood in front of her, just staring into her chocolate-colored eyes. He looked shaken and sad.

“I… InuYasha…” she said softly.

At the mention of his name, he closed his eyes and his head dropped down.

“Kagome, I was so worried. Why didn't you stay at Kaede's? If you had stayed, you wouldn't have gotten hurt…”

As he finished, he hugged her. Kagome was very surprised. It wasn't often that InuYasha showed his emotions, but this was one of those rare moments. Oddly, Kagome felt sad, instead of happy that he was holding her.

“InuYasha, I'm okay… really,” she told him, smiling.

InuYasha finally looked up into her eyes, and Kagome found it hard to read his expression. They stared at each other for a few moments, and when Kagome started to turn her head, InuYasha grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. Kagome was so shocked that her mind raced. But InuYasha was kissing her passionately and holding her lovingly, so she closed her eyes, and kissed him back. Inside, though, Kagome felt different. She had wanted this, hadn't she? She had wanted InuYasha to be jealous and come for her, but now it felt wrong. She backed away from InuYasha, breaking the kiss. He looked at her questioningly. She looked away.

“I'm sorry, InuYasha… I can't,” she said.

InuYasha raised an eyebrow at her. “Eh?”

She leaned her back against the outside of the cave, closing her eyes and sighing.

InuYasha seemed angry now. “What are you talking about? Don't you care about me anymore?”

Kagome looked at him sadly. “InuYasha, I'll always care for you. But…” She didn't want to finish the sentence, for fear of the fight that would ensue.

Suddenly, a lighting bolt of pain struck her side, causing her to double over. InuYasha touched her shoulder, asking if she was ok.

“Yeah, I'm ok. I probably just moved wrong or something,” she said, uprighting herself.

Anger spread across InuYasha's face like wildfire. “That's why you need to come back! That mangy wolf can't protect you! Look at what happened while he was supposed to be taking care of you!”

Now Kagome felt herself becoming angry. She was angry on both her own and Kouga's behalf. “And what would have happened if I was with you? You also said you'd always protect me, but with you going off to see Kikyou, I could've gotten hurt when I was at Kaede's, too! Or worse!”

“But I don't want to see Kikyou now…” he began.

“Oh really? And will you say that about me someday? You just now figured out that you want to be with me, but the minute you see Kikyou again a few weeks from now, you'll go back to the same old InuYasha. Sorry… but I can't let you do that to me anymore,” she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

InuYasha looked away, his ears drooping. “But Kagome, I really do want to care for you and protect you…”

Now the tears were flowing freely, and she sobbed as she replied, “But… you… can't.”

InuYasha approached her slowly, and had her cornered against the rocky wall.

“Please, InuYasha… you're never going to get over Kikyou, and I'll always be second to her. I want to be first, InuYasha, and I have that… with him.”

“With… HIM?!” he cried. “Kouga?! He's not as strong as me! I can protect you better!”

“Oh, InuYasha… I know it's important to you, but I don't care how strong you are. And I wouldn't care if Kouga was stronger than you either. And as for protecting me… who's going to protect me… against you?”

The words slammed into him like a brick wall. Mouth agape, he tried to protest. But Kagome didn't want to hear it.

“You have hurt me more than any youkai, more than any ogre, spectre… even Naraku. And now, I'm not sad. I don't have to sit here and compare myself to her… wonder why I wasn't good enough… I can just enjoy being with someone now,” she told him.

Every sentence cut into him like a hot knife through butter. Unfortunately, he couldn't completely deny it. He knew how much he had hurt her. All she had ever done was try to support him, be there for him. And he had trampled on her heart. Many times. He had never thought about it, but why had she stayed with him? She could have just stayed in her time. But he wouldn't be there. That's why she came back. So he refused to believe that now, she cared more for Kouga than him. With Kagome still trapped between his arms and the wall, he looked directly into her eyes. He used one hand to caress her cheek, then he used that hand to hold her face, as he kissed her again. This time, even though she was suddenly getting used to kissing boys, she pushed him away.

“Stop it, InuYasha! I won't let you do this to me anymore!” she cried.

He sighed and turned away. Suddenly, his ears turned towards the trees, sensing someone there. They both looked to see Kouga, stumbling towards them with the diamond spear still embedded in his thigh.

“Kouga!” Kagome shouted, running towards him.

She reached him, throwing her arms around him. “What… was that from Kongousouha? InuYasha!” she yelled.

“He wanted to stop me from coming here! I had to do something!” he shouted back.

Kagome thought of saying `osuwari', but decided it wasn't hers to say anymore. She just glared at him, and then she began to help Kouga towards his cave. InuYasha was stunned. It wasn't the first time she had helped Kouga and abandoned him, but this time was different.

Both Kagome and Kouga heard the deep growl, and they turned to find InuYasha charging, claws ready, coming for Kouga.

“Bring it on, mutt!” he challenged.

“No!” Kagome cried, pleading with both of them.

But Kouga stood his ground, and InuYasha was still coming for him. They clashed, InuYasha's arm coming down, but Kouga was fast enough to move so that it hit the armor on his chest. InuYasha's other hand came barreling towards Kouga's side, missing as the wolf demon quickly side stepped. InuYasha charged again, this time pretending to go for his head, then at the last moment, he shifted and punched him in the leg that was wounded. Kouga growled with pain, stumbling off balance now. InuYasha came again, this time readying his claws for a slash to the neck, hopefully spilling most of his blood. Kagome, seeing this, cried out.

“Stop it, InuYasha!” she said, jumping towards Kouga, putting herself in between InuYasha and the wolf prince.

Too late, InuYasha's claws came down, and they slashed Kagome on her right shoulder. Not serious enough to really hurt her, but the blood flowed freely, quickly. Kagome looked at the wound in shock, then at InuYasha. The hanyou just stared at his hand with eyes wide, Kagome's blood trickling from his fingers. He remembered the times that she had done that for him, risking her life so that he wouldn't get hurt. Was he the enemy now?

Kouga, seeing Kagome bleeding again, became furious. “What the fuck are you doing?”

InuYasha just stood there, looking at his fingers, then at Kagome's pained face. That's probably how she always looked at me, I just never noticed it…

Kouga, now holding Kagome upright, called for Ginta and Hakkaku, and the wolves of the pack began forming a chain of howls, finally reaching the two, who began to run back to camp. Kouga ripped a pant leg off of Kagome's pajama bottom so that they became rather short shorts on the right side, and he used part of it to apply pressure to Kagome's new wound. InuYasha, upon seeing the wolf handle her like this, took a step forward and growled. Kouga growled back, and InuYasha decided it was time to leave.

“I'm sorry… Kagome,” he said softly to her, stepping closer again.

“I know you are, InuYasha,” she said, smiling softly as Kouga checked the wound.

InuYasha stood there, watching as Kouga pulled the right strap of her tank top down, and Kouga was annoyed by their lack of privacy.

“What do you want, another kiss? Sorry, you're not getting one,” he said, turning his attention back to the shoulder.

Both InuYasha and Kagome seemed shocked, knowing that he had seen their kiss. Or had he seen both? Just how much had he heard? InuYasha looked angry that his private moment had been seen, but Kagome smiled at Kouga, and sat on the floor. InuYasha took this as his cue to leave, and began to run from the caves. Kagome wanted to call out to him, but what would she say? Nothing that came from her mouth could make him feel better. Perhaps Kikyou could make him feel better. Yes, perhaps he would run away to Kikyou, and she would make him feel better. `But I don't want to see Kikyou now…' he had said. She wished she could follow him, to see if this was true. If he truly cared about Kagome, he would not go to see the undead miko. But, she couldn't. And it didn't hurt her to know that he might be going to her. And this gave her some comfort, despite the luck she had been having recently, whereas wounds were concerned. Such is life in the Sengoku Jidai…

*** 

Kouga had heard InuYasha and Kagome talking. The first things he had heard were Kagome telling him that she would always care for him. He had wanted to burst through the trees, killing the dog demon, but he was still slow from his wound. So he kept up his pace, still listening to their conversation. He heard Kagome in pain, and InuYasha try to talk her into coming back, but she had resisted, making him proud. But then he hadn't heard anything, which had worried him. If he touches Kagome… he had thought. But then he heard Kagome turn him down, and they quarreled over past times and Kikyou, and it seemed like Kagome was winning. He had reached the end of the forest, where the trees made way for the caves, and he stopped to lean against a tree. Neither had noticed him, so he watched. He watched Kagome cry as she defended him, and he watched InuYasha helplessly attempt to convince her to go with him. The fluttery feeling was in his stomach again, hearing Kagome tell InuYasha that she didn't care about his strength, that he wouldn't be able to protect her. Unfortunately, he had also watched their argument evolve into a situation where InuYasha had her pinned, and he saw the hanyou use it to his advantage, and kissed her again. But this time, Kagome pushed him away, and was angry, which ironically made Kouga happy. She had yelled at him once more before Kouga decided it was enough, and let his presence be known, by purposely rustling some leaves on the ground. He had heard what he needed. And now, he knew that she truly didn't care for InuYasha the same way anymore, leaving room in her heart for him, finally. He smiled at Kagome, helping her to her feet, and they both walked into his cave in silence. They sat inside, and Kouga winced as the motions set against the wound in his right leg.

“I'm so sorry…” Kagome began.

Kouga interrupted. “You've said that too many times today. I'm the one who's sorry. I should've been able to get you out of the way. For now, let's get cleaned up,” he instructed, smiling.

Together, they pulled the diamond spear out of Kouga's leg, and it bled profusely, to which Kagome ripped the other pant leg off her pajamas, now leaving her with very skimpy shorts. She blushed, knowing that they were even shorter than her school skirt, but Kouga just looked at her hungrily, smiling wolfishly. Suddenly, Ginta and Hakkaku appeared, and there was much commotion, between explaining what had happened and instructing them what to do.

They spent half of the afternoon cleaning and bandaging each other, the wolves bringing them lunch so that they wouldn't have to move much. Kouga asked for reports on the sick, and although most were still ill, none were as bad as Yuki, or the girl wolf cub. Then again, not a single one had healed to the point where they were cured, either. They must have both had the same idea on their minds, but Kagome brought it up first, and they agreed that pending how they both felt, they would leave tomorrow, in search of the rare, pink, star-shaped flower.