I woke to Shippo shaking my shoulder excitedly. “What is it Shippo? It is barely past sunrise.” I groaned out. “Grandma is seeing a healer. Grandpa thinks she’s pregnant.” He replied. At this news I shot up from the bed and furiously rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

I jumped out of the bed and sped out of the room, quickly making my way to the door of my parents’ room. “Papa, is it true? Do you think she’s pregnant?” I asked excitedly. He nodded, smiled, and grimaced all at once.

“What’s wrong?” I questioned. “I’m worried. Someone will surely threaten her life.” He answered. “I will not allow that to happen. Myouga and Bankotsu won’t let it happen either.” I assured him. “I don’t want her going to the ball tonight. Will you go with me instead?” he asked frantically.

 “I will go if she is pregnant.” I said simply. We soon fell silent in excitement. If momma was pregnant she would be so happy. Finally, the healer exited the room and looked at us, smiling happily. “You and momma are going to have a pup papa!” I shouted hugging him tightly and jumping a little.

“That settles it then. Your Okaa-san will stay here and you will accompany me to the ball.” He decided. “Fine. But I want Shippo to stay here. I don’t want my musuko around all of those lords and ladies. They will judge him without knowing him and I don’t want him to be surrounded by that prejudice.” I told him.

“I agree. Kikyou and Inuyasha will stay here as well.” He declared. The children looked to argue; but one stern look from and they decided against it. “I will go papa. But that doesn’t mean I’ll like it. I want you to promise that you won’t allow anyone to pull me away from you to dance.” I asserted.

“I promise you, Kagome. I will keep you away from anyone who wishes to dance with you unless you say yes. Now, go choose a kimono to wear.” He responded. “Do I have to wear a kimono? Can I make adjustments to it like I did the kimono from yesterday?” I pleaded. He gave me a stern look and I sighed.

Just wonderful. I’ll be in a kimono I can hardly move around in. I sent him a mock glare before smirking and making my way to the seamstress’s room in the front of the palace. “Hello again, Hime Kagome.” She said. “Hello again, Kirara. I need another kimono. I’m going with papa to the peace ball tonight and he said I couldn’t adjust it how I wanted it. So, I need a simple kimono. I want to be able to move around in it.” I told her.

“What color would you like?” she asked. “Um….. I don’t want the amber color again. What would you suggest?” I questioned. “Well; let’s see….. I have a dark blue, green, ruby red, silver, gold, dark purple, black, pink, or orange.” She answered. I spent a few moments thinking about it before choosing.

“I can’t wear black; it’s not a funeral. I refuse to wear pink, orange, green, gold, or silver, I can’t wear those bright colors. So it’s either the blue, purple, or red. Which one will look best on my skin tone in the light tonight?” I inquired.

“Hmmm..... let’s see. You’ve got lightly tanned skin. The purple will make you stand out too much; especially if you go for a stroll through the gardens, which I know you will. The blue will draw too many of the minor lords and their sons to you. Many of them favor the color blue. So that leaves the red. It will contrast well with your hair and your eye color. I can also have it look more complex than it actually is if you would like.” She offered.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you Kirara.” I smiled, hugging her. She froze and her back stiffened. “Gomen nasai. I forgot you’re not used to being hugged.” I muttered as I released her. Quickly, we grabbed the fabric and she began to make the kimono for me.

When it was finished, I squeezed into the material and Kirara found some slippers for me. “Thank you Kirara. I’m going to find papa now. I had better see you dancing with Bankotsu tonight.” I told her, smiling when she blushed and nodded.

I left the room quickly, and followed Kouga’s scent to a small pond in the garden. “Hey papa.” I said, hugging him from the side. “Where have you been, Kagome?” he asked. “I was with Kirara getting a new dress.” I answered.

“I see that. It’s a beautiful kimono.” He claimed. “Thanks papa.” I smiled before sighing and staring into the water. “What’s wrong?” “I wish I had one more chance to speak to Lord Sesshomaru. If I did then I would tell him how sorry I am that I lied and how much I love him. I never should have allowed it to happen; I should have stayed away from him before he left Do you think he would let it go and admit his feelings for you?” Kouga asked.

“Don’t be ridiculous, papa. He hates my kind. Do you mind if I go see the children? I need a distraction from the pain.” At his nod, I disappeared to the other side of the gardens. I found Shippo, Kikyou, and Inuyasha playing in a grove of sakura trees with momma. When they saw me, they ran over with momma trailing behind them.

“Kagome, you look so pretty.” Kikyou and Inuyasha said, hugging me around my waist. “You look lovely, momma.” Shippo complimented. “Thank you, Shippo.” Go play. I need to speak to momma.” I told them. They smiled and ran to the spot they had been at before and I turned to my mother.

“What’s bothering you, Kagome?” my mother asked. “Momma, what if he sees me he said that he and Rin were coming to the peace festival. What if he sees me?” I queried. I was horribly worried. He couldn’t attack me out in the open, but he could humiliate me, insult me, and hurt me without having to lift a finger.

“Dear one, you mustn’t worry so. You will be with your Outo-san and Bankotsu and Myouga will be there with you as well.” My mother whispered. “I know momma. But I’m still worried. Is there any way that I can hide from him?” I questioned.

“I’m afraid not. You have to go with your father. Those silly girls will surely try to dance with him and they annoy him mother than the minor lords and their sons annoy you.” My mother replied. I cringed. If the women at the ball were more annoying than the men, I suddenly realized how much Kouga would need me there.

“Fine, I’ll go and keep them away from him. But if they try to talk bad about you to him in front of me, don’t be surprised when papa is dragging me kicking and screaming to my room.” I ground out. “I expect nothing less than to have to knock you out.” my mother joked.

I smiled and hugged her, then saw how late it was getting and frowned. “I’d better get to the great hall. The ball will be beginnings soon. Go to your room momma. Please make sure James goes to bed on time.” I requested as I began leaving the gardens.

She called out an agreement just before I entered the castle walls. As I made my way to the great hall, I saw a very familiar little on’nanoko making her way to me. “Hello, Rin.” I called, smiling apprehensively.

“Hello, Kagome. It is good to see you again.” she said, somewhat sadly. “I am sorry I left without saying goodbye Rin.” I whispered, kneeling down in front of her. She had tears in her eyes and I wiped them away as a few of them fell.

“Sesshomaru told me what happened. I wish you would have stayed.” She replied. “I wanted to stay; but my place is here, with my family. Besides, Sesshomaru hates me; I couldn’t stay with him hating me, Rin. If you would like to play with the others, go to the family wing and tell a guard name Bankotsu that I said, ‘I owe you a real sparring session’. He’ll show you to the others and my momma.” I told her, standing to my full height.

“He doesn’t hate you Kagome. Sesshomaru does love you; he’s just hurt that you lied.” She told me, before disappearing from the hall. Does he really love me? I shook my head at the thought. He couldn’t love me; it was just wishful thinking on Rin’s part.

I found Kouga just outside the ornate doors to the great hall. I looped my arm through his and smiled up at him before we entered the room. All eyes in the room moved to us and narrowed, before everyone went back to their conversations.

“Papa, can we dance?” I requested. He nodded, and led me to the dance floor. We began dancing slowly as I looked out over the dancing couples around us. I saw Bankotsu and Kirara dancing and smiled at them before I noticed that almost everyone was watching us dance.

I knew my face was red with embarrassment and shyness. When Kouga looked at me, I laid my head on his shoulder. “What are you so embarrassed about?” he asked. I had known it was foolish to try to hide my flaming cheeks from his superior vision, but it was worth a shot.

“I’m embarrassed because… I hate to admit it; but I care about what the lords and ladies of the kingdoms will think of me. As much as I pride myself on not caring what others think of me, I do. I’ve always felt I wasn’t good enough and being surrounded by people who will judge m as long as they see me has always been something I run away from.” I replied.

“It’s alright, Kagome. Just remember, most of these people want to empress you; not the other way around.” He said in my ear. I nodded and we continued to dance. A few times I had to chase away onna who were trying to drag my Outo-san away from me.

They would send me glares but every time I bared my fangs at them they gave up and went to find a minor lord or heir that I had rejected. I was beginning to tire of these people. “Tell me again; why did I have to come? More importantly, why did I have to wear this dress? I can’t breathe.” I whispered.

“I had to bring someone. I’d rather dance with my friend and my musume than one of those onna anyway.” Kouga answered. “So, why couldn’t momma come? No one’s shown any real anger towards her. I’d rather be taking care of Shippo, Kikyou, and Inuyasha. At least with them I can dress normally.” I replied.

I knew I was complaining, but I didn’t care. I did not want to be here where Lord Sesshomaru could see me. “I’m sorry, Kagome. I have to speak to the southern Lord a moment. Wait for me by the doors and I’ll take you to your room.” Kouga asserted.

Quickly, I made my way to the doors, only to be stopped by someone grabbing my arm. As I turned to tell the person who grabbed me to let go, I as met with the amber eyes of Lord Sesshomaru. I froze and stared up into his eyes. We must speak.” He declared leaving no room for argument.

 I nodded, and led him to the grove of sakura trees in the garden. “What is it you wish to say to me, Lord Sesshomaru?” I questioned, doing my best to keep my voice neutral. “I must tell you something: something that I could not say before. Will you agree to listen to me before you leave, Kagome?” he asked.

“Please, do not be so informal with me Lord Sesshomaru. I only allow my friends and family to call me by my name.” I ground out, glaring at him to keep my tears at bay. He stepped closet to me, and I almost stepped back.

I would have, if I wasn’t frozen from anger and fear. “Why did you find me? I am simply an imperfect hanyou. I would like to return to my Outo-san now.” I told him, glaring at him. “To me, you are perfect.” He declared. I gasped; how I had longed to hear these words?

They were as close to an admission of feelings I knew I would get from him. But, I still didn’t believe him. He had hurt me too much for that. “How can such a ‘stain on blood’ be perfect?” I spat out.

I had thrown his words back at him just like he had thrown my mistakes at me. I saw him flinch under my glare; and I wondered if his sister’s words were true. “The only stain I see is tears on an angel.” Was his eloquent reply.

“Just leave me be. I would not wish to tarnish your bloodline with my ‘filthy blood’.” I bit out, spinning and marching away as best I could in the restricting dress. “Ka- Hime Kagome! Wait!” he called form behind me.

I refused to stop. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. Suddenly, he grabbed my arm and spun me to face him. “Let me leave!” I shouted. “When you said you were leaving, I thought my heart would burst from my chest if I did not follow you.” He said as his arms wrapped around me and pulled me flush against him.

For the first time since my siblings were born, I allowed the tears that gathered in my eyes to fall. “But you hate people like me. I saw it in your eyes.” I cried. His arms tightened fractionally with every tear that escaped my eyes, which only served to make more fall.

“I could not hate you even if I wanted to.” He muttered, so softly I barely heard it. “Why? Why me?! Why am I cursed to feel this pain? There must be a reason.” I cried into his shoulder. I couldn’t fight the tears anymore; it hurt too much.

“We met for a reason; either you’re a blessing or a lesson.” “How do you see that?” I asked through my tears. “If you were a blessing you would enrich my life. If you were a lesson, I would learn from mistakes made with you and move on to enrich my life.” Was his answer.

“It seems they are the same. Either way, your life is made better.” I replied. “There is one difference.” Eager to know the difference, I stood still and stared at him out of the corner of my eye. “If you were a blessing, you would stay. But if you were a lesson, you would leave.” He finished.

“Then I choose to be a lesson. I have learned from my mistakes. It is your turn to learn from the pain.” I whispered as I finally pushed out of his arms. “What if I wish you to be a blessing to my life?” he asked. “I refuse to be a blessing of the one who has caused me so much pain. Goodbye, Lord Sesshomaru.” I answered quietly as I turned and ran.

Even as I ran through the gardens I could hear him following me. I was frantically trying to find somewhere to hide; and unfortunately, not paying attentions to where I was going. The skirt of my dress tore more and more with every bush and baby tree I passed. And then… I had to stop.

I was at the edge of the garden now; where the river met the lake before continuing through the kingdom. I was trapped. “Kagome.” Lord Sesshomaru called. Slowly, I turned to face him; hoping against hope that Kouga would find me and keep me away from him. “Why must you continue to follow me?

I know what you will say. I am an ‘abomination’. I am just like the onna who betrayed you. Leave me be!” I shouted. Before he had a chance to say anything, I rushed past him to Kouga, and we left as quickly as possible.

After tripping over the tattered remains of my skirt a few times, Kouga had my climb on his back and carried me to my bedroom. there, he had me sit on the bed. “Kagome, what happened?” he asked concerned.

“Please, tell me what you know about him. I have to understand.” I told him quietly. “Why? What more could you possibly need to know about Sesshomaru?” he demanded. “Kouga, please? Tell me what you know about him. I need to understand his actions.” I begged.

I had told Kouga about what happened after we left the ball; even asked him to help me understand what was going on while he carried me. He’d promised, reluctantly, to explain; and I was not about to let him go back on his word.

 “Why though? Understanding won’t help you; it might only make it worse.” I knew he was trying to frighten me with the unknown. I would not allow him to scare me from my conviction to know. “Kouga, even if it makes everything worse, I need to understand why he acted that way. I need to know why he seems to hate me.” I pleaded, knowing he would want the same if our roles were reversed.

“Kagome I don’t want to see you hurt anymore.” He tried. “I know. But if momma acted like she hated you then said something the opposite of that and continued to act like it; you would want to know, too.” I argued. I hadn’t been able to stop my tears since they had broken through my defenses with Sesshomaru, so I know he would be slightly confused with how my words mixed together.

“He doesn’t hate you. He is hurting. You lied; you didn’t have a choice but you still lied. Lord Sesshomaru is not one to give up easily. If he loves you, he will fight for you. He isn’t one to be able to speak freely about his emotions. He’ll need time to be able to speak freely with you about how he feels.” He muttered.

“I don’t want to give him time. Every time he looks at me a piece of my heart dies. He smiled before I told him. He showed emotions before I told him. Now, he’s cold again. He- he called us half breeds and half-lings. It hurts.” “I know it hurts, Kagome. But perhaps you should speak to him again.” he suggested.

“I don’t want to talk to him. I can’t be near him.” I whispered. “Very well. The southern lord’s son has requested to begin courting you. So has the northern lord’s. Would you like to speak with them before giving them an answer?” he asked.

“I have to at least talk to them. I know how this works their sisters are supposed to try to win over the oji of the other lords and they were supposed to try to win over the hime of other lords. I will speak with them. But if I cannot get through a short conversation with them, then my answer will be no.” I answered. He nodded and left the room quietly. After a few moments, I dressed for bed and climbed under the covers, drying the last of my tears.