White Lilac; First Emotion of Love

Thank you Daniella for beta-reading!

Pink Carnation

Chapter 4: White Lilac

Sango sighed heavily as she put the phone down again. It didn't matter how many times she attempted to reach Sesshomaru because he would never answer. She could comprehend the fact that his feelings had been hurt, but it was no reason to completely forget about Kagome.

Had he really given up so easily?

After devoting a whole year of his life to Kagome he was already leaving her in to the hands of Inuyasha. Sango wasn't very close to Sesshomaru and frankly, she was more in this for Kagome than him, but still. She had gotten to know him during the last year, and she still thought he'd have the decency to pick up the phone. Kagome was going to need him soon, and he was the only one who could heal her.

Sango reached out for the phone, ready to dial his phone number again, when a hand stopped her.

"He's not going to answer," said Miroku before sitting down beside her.

It frustrated him as well that Sesshomaru had walked away, but if there was one thing he knew it was that you didn't want to further aggravate an irritated Sesshomaru. The more she called the less chance she had to obtain an answer from him.

Unfortunately for them, the best thing to do was to leave him alone and wait for him to come around.

"When he's ready, he will come."

Miroku watched as Sango ran her fingers through her hair, clearly exasperated, before slowly nodding. "I know. It's just, today we're supposed to be going through Kagome's apartment… and I don't know. I thought he'd like to be there."

Today was indeed going to be a difficult day, and erasing anything that could force a shock on Kagome would not be an easy task. He too had hoped for Sesshomaru's collaboration, yet he could not be blamed for his silence. How could they request of him that he delete himself from Kagome's life? It would be an unbearable task.

"Try to see things from his angle, Sango."

She was usually the rational one but today, her mind refused to be brilliant. It felt as if an ominous cloud of bad luck was raining over them. First there was Kagome's accident, followed by Inuyasha's renewed presence in her life, and now her best friend was also losing her rock in life. Sango wished for nothing more than to sit down with Sesshomaru, and talk him out of his insanity, but he was ignoring her as if she had never existed.

"I suppose you're right," said Sango, desperation showing her voice.

Her fingers lingered on the phone a bit longer, before she tore herself away. "What time will you be ready to go to Kagome's apartment?"

"5 o'clock."

Sango nodded before grabbing her jacket, which had been resting on her chair. "I'm going to the hospital. I don't want to give Inuyasha too much time to be alone with her."

Sango had taken the next few days off to make sure she was at the hospital during the allowed visiting hours every day. Inuyasha was quite the sneaky bastard, and she wouldn't allow him to take advantage of the situation more than he already was. Since the martial school was hers, she had the chance of being absent for as long as she wished.

"I'll meet you there, then."

As Sango aimed for the door, it hit her just how much everyone's morale was down. Miroku hadn't tried to grope her since, which was quite unusual for him. Then again, he almost considered Kagome like a little sister, much like she did.

Even though the drive to the hospital was short, it worried Sango. After all, her best friend had gotten injured because of a car accident. The past two days, she found herself driving more carefully than she ever had before.

While she began heading to the hospital, her thoughts drifted to Miyu. Sesshomaru had not put a halt to his invitation, but Sango could only imagine how awkward things were, since Sesshomaru probably refused to even hear the name Kagome. If she had room, Sango would have invited Miyu and Sota to stay with her to perhaps make the situation a bit easier.

A few minutes went along before she arrived at the hospital. Sango hurried to park the car, in a rush to make her way up to Kagome's room. Inuyasha was a rotten bastard, and honestly it was taking all of her self control to not reveal the truth to Kagome. She almost wanted to break Inuyasha's neck, just to keep him away.

When Sango reached Kagome's room, she was surprised to find the door closed. Immediately, her senses were tickling her because she knew it meant neither Miyu nor Sota were there; only Inuyasha. She knitted her eyebrows together, heading for the door with determined steps.

Without giving a warning, Sango flung the door open almost expecting a romantic scene. Instead, to her surprise, she found Kagome fast asleep in the hospital bed while Inuyasha was sitting on a chair nearby flipping through a magazine, obviously bored.

The noise created by Sango attracted his attention, and now his focus was on her. "Ya mind bein' careful? She's sleepin' ya know."

Inuyasha's caring made her sick to her stomach and she didn't take the time to answer him. Instead, she focused on the reason of her presence; her friend. Sango grabbed Kagome's hand, squeezing it tightly. Since regaining consciousness, Kagome had been able to mostly do everything on her own. Minus the memory loss, there was absolutely no other damage which had come as a relief.

However, she still had the big bandage wrapped around her head which was still healing. The fact that her head still required recovery gave everyone hopes that she would eventually remember the missing chunks of her life.

Not wanting to wake up her friend who desperately needed her rest, Sango pulled a chair near the bed before sitting down. She could feel Inuyasha's attention shift in her direction, but she ignored him. Sango was aware that he'd prefer to be alone with Kagome, but it wasn't going to happen.

Inuyasha felt his toes twitch, as he desperately tried to remain silent. Since his reunion with Kagome, many questions had been burning his mind but unfortunately Kagome couldn't answer any of them since they involved her lost memory.

It didn't leave him with many options, especially since from what he had gathered Miyu didn't know much about the relationship between Sesshomaru and Kagome. Inuyasha never thought his brother would be involved with anyone, let alone Kagome. He even thought he was gay for a while.

And how had the two become such good friends?

"Hey," he tried; his voice quiet enough to not disturb Kagome.

Sango raised her head from the book she had been reading only to glare at Inuyasha. She didn't utter a word, but her eyes remained locked on him as if she waiting for him to proceed.

Inuyasha was known to have quite the temper, but he was conscious that if he was too hot headed Sango would ignore him. He took a deep breath to make sure he was as relaxed as possible.

"How does Sesshomaru know Kagome?"

Sango's fingers crisped the cover of the book before she glanced away. "Probably through you when you introduced her," she replied, the sarcasm obvious in her voice.

She remembered that time, when they all used to be friends, and Kagome was deeply in love with who they thought was a good guy. At least the truth had been found out before anything serious happened between the two of them.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, but he kept himself in check. "How are they friends?"

Sango had the urge to add a little comment which would probably serve Inuyasha right, but by risking that it might backfire so she held herself back. "Because of you."

Knowing he would have another question coming her way, she put her book down on her lap and turned her body so she was completely facing him. "What happened between Sesshomaru and Kagome is none of your business. It's theirs. And seeing as how neither can nor will talk about it, butt out."

The thought of Sesshomaru with his Kagome still left a bittersweet taste in his mouth. "It don't matter what kind relationship they had. Kagome is mine again."

"I'll make sure it doesn't stay that way" said Sango, before retrieving her book.

Inuyasha allowed his eyes to linger on Sango a bit more, processing her threat. She could talk all she wanted, but there was nothing she could do. As long as Kagome's memories remained hazy, she would be all his. If she happened to remember, then he would deal with things when it would occur.

For now, as far as he was concerned, Kagome was his girlfriend.

-P-

Sesshomaru twisted his pen in between his fingers again before dropping it on his desk. Usually, he'd have done most of his work by noon but today, he could not. All that filled his mind were thoughts of her; the memory of her face was haunting him. It had been one thing to walk away from the hospital, but it was another to forget about her.

Who had he been kidding?

If he had been unable to not fall in love, and remain clung to her for a year, how did he except to let go now? But the situation was so complicated…

Perhaps if his half brother was not in the picture, it would have been much easier. Heck, maybe he would have restarted their relationship from scratch in the blink of an eye but he couldn't. Inuyasha was around, and in Kagome's mind her feelings for him were strong. Sesshomaru couldn't be in her vicinity because he couldn't bare the sight of them together.

He had held her while she was broken beyond repair, and the thought of such suffering repeating itself was making his stomach knot.

Yet he was helpless.

She didn't know him, and he couldn't stand their love.

Problem was he didn't know how to get rid of the intense feelings he had for her because he had never been stuck in such a situation in the past. Now, he was beginning to understand why he had never made that mistake. However, it also gave him a small look inside on how Kagome was truly feeling after the incident.

It also proved Inuyasha was a bastard.

He ran his fingers through his hair, his impatience increasing. He couldn't cease his thoughts about her and he couldn't do any work; he felt useless. Could there be something to distract his mind?

Sesshomaru peered at his phone where the red light was flashing, indicating he had messages. He didn't need to press the button to know that Sango's voice would come on if he did. She had been trying to call him for two days now and apparently she had no intention of given up.

And if she wasn't enough, there was also Mrs. Higurashi.

Obviously, he was not going to kick her out of his house but that also lead to uncomfortable situations. Every time she left for the hospital she would inquire if he was coming as well. Not knowing how to answer, he would simply mumble an answer before walking off.

He made sure she had a ride to drop her off and pick her up though.

A sigh broke free from him as his eyes landed on the only picture he had on his desk. Of course it had to be a picture of them together. Kagome had come into his office one day with her brand new camera, extremely excited. He had shared her enthusiasm, until she had insisted they try it out together.

As per usual, she hadn't given him a chance to say no and had pressed her face against his, with the silliest smile on her face. A few days later she had brought him a copy, even though he had not request it, and gave him a frame to put it in. Most of the time he kept it behind a few files and what not, perhaps to keep his business image, but lately, he had left it exposed.

His fingers trailed along the wooden frame, his heart feeling as if it was being squeezed and slowly ripped out of his chest. Gently, he gave it a small push causing it to tilt forward, hiding the picture.

It felt as if he was giving up, and perhaps he was.

But what else was he supposed to do?

His presence in her life would make no sense without her knowing about Inuyasha. Since they could not tell her that part, he was stuck being away from her. Yes, he could pray that she would remember and that everything would go back to normal, but there was the chance that it wouldn't.

He preferred to have no hope at all than fake ones. At least, he would not be disappointed.

As Sesshomaru attempted to chase her from his thoughts and resume his work, a knock on his door was heard. "Mr. Taisho?"

"Come in," he told his secretary, grabbing his pen again almost ready to pretend he had been working the whole time.

A small blond walked in, looking a bit nervous. "Mrs. Higurashi called, and left a message. She says that Miss. Higurashi will be out of the hospital in three days."

Even though he had not been hoping, his heart felt crushed. "She didn't say anything else?"

His secretary shook her head, wishing she could offer better news.

Sesshomaru gestured for her to leave, which she did quietly, not wanting to anger him. He put his palm down against the desk a bit louder and rougher than he intended causing a loud smacking noise to echo through his office.

If in three days she didn't recover her memory, then the bastard would have her trapped like a prey. Sesshomaru knew that Inuyasha wasn't technically doing anything wrong since Kagome was not being forced into anything, but it was unfair that the truth was kept from her.

Fuck.

Sesshomaru rose to his feet, before he began to pace in his office. He was so frustrated that he had been taken out of her life that the only thing he had thought of doing was to walk out, which he had done. Except, it was obviously not working since all he had on his mind was her.

But, wasn't there any way at all he could see her?

He couldn't even remember how many times he had seen Kagome before the last year. It had also been quick, and he rarely spoke to her. How could he explain coming into her life now without making her suspicious and perhaps causing her to go into shock?

If his relationship with his half-brother had been better, he would have been able to simply hang around but it was not the case and she knew it.

Was he so desperate for her presence in his life? He always knew she meant a great deal to him but he believed she would always be around, that he wouldn't need to miss her.

His frustration getting the best out of him, Sesshomaru violently punched the wall, puncturing a hole.

How would he get her back?

-P-

"Do you think she really didn't know?"

Miroku raised his head above the billboard which had Kagome's scrapbooked pictures, a bit confused. "Who didn't know what?"

Sango put down the pictures of Kagome and Sesshomaru she had been holding, and stood up. "Do you think Kagome really didn't know how Sesshomaru felt for her?"

Miroku put down the heavy board, before leaning against the wall. "It's hard to say. Kagome is very innocent, and it might have slipped by her."

She was an angel who often gave to others before herself and the only time she had been selfish had been at the beginning of her heartbreak, which anyone would have done. Heck, in the end Inuyasha had been almost obvious, and she hadn't seen any of the hints.

Sango shrugged her shoulders, before reaching out for one of the moving box. "I guess. But I mean, after everything he did, she didn't have a clue?"

"It's not like we can ask her now."

Sango nodded, her heart feeling heavy as she dragged the box in direction of Miroku so he could pack some of the pictures. Her attention was then focused on the one room she wasn't often allowed in. Kagome's art room. Technically, it wasn't any of her business what her friend was painting, but if there was something related to Sesshomaru… they couldn't leave it there.

Her steps were slow, as she headed for the room. In a way she felt like she was invading her friend's privacy, but it was required for her own safety. As she opened the door it creaked, causing her to rush her movements.

As per usual, all the paintings were covered with a drape. To make sure she didn't disturb the way Kagome arranged her attempt at concealing her art she simply peeked under the drape, rather than taking off the whole thing. Most of the paintings she recognized from orders Kagome had received, some seemed to be leisurely work.

When Sango reached the last two paintings at the back, the first one surprised her. She arched her eyebrow at the blackness of the small canvas before covering it once again. It wasn't until she was at the last one that she realized there was one piece of art they couldn't keep. Sango was so in awe of it, she pulled away the whole drape, just to admire it.

"Is that Sesshomaru?" asked Miroku as he peeked in.

Sango slowly nodded her head, never glancing away from the painting. During the last few weeks, Kagome had locked herself into her art room, refusing access to anyone including Sesshomaru, and now Sango understood why. It was a breath taking painting of Sesshomaru, so realistic it felt as if it was coming to life. Every detail, every curve, every line; it was there. It was if she knew him better than she knew herself.

The sight caused Sango's eyes to become watery. This was the reason why they couldn't let Inuyasha back into her life; he didn't deserve her.

Sango's heart felt heavy as she delicately took the picture before handing it to Miroku. "Be careful with it. I'll keep it in my apartment for now."

She swallowed hard but dragged herself away from the room. It had been the last one. They had officially deleted Sesshomaru from her life and any details that might remind her of the heartbreak she had experienced last year. Now all that remained was a fake happiness.

Feeling uncomfortable and uneasy, she closed the door behind her as she walked out.

All she could do was hope for Kagome to retrieve her sanity.

-P-

The room was nearly engulfed in darkness, the moonlight being the only source of brightness. Kagome had her head pressed against the pillow as she was sitting in the bed, unable to find rest.

Her friends were so concerned about her and her safety, that for their sake, she had been putting on a strong façade. But when she was completely alone it was harder to hide her pain and frustration.

From the look of things, it seemed she hadn't missed much during the last year yet it was frustrating. Doctors had told her to not force herself to remember, and yet she couldn't help it. She had forgotten a whole year of her life, and somewhere deep inside, she wanted it back.

A year later, she was still with Inuyasha, she now had her own apartment, and apparently she had freelance work pretty often.

But then, why did her chest hurt sometimes?

It was a feeling she couldn't explain; almost as if something had taken hold of her heart. It mostly happened when she was alone, which was not surprising since she was left with her thoughts. When she was with Inuyasha though, it all went away. At least she knew one thing in her life was right.

There was a chance she'd never remember. The doctors hadn't told her directly, but she had overhead them talk.

When Kagome thought about recalling the missing events in her life, she was almost scared. As if there was something terrifying. Could it be that she was afraid of the accident? She couldn't remember at all what had occurred; perhaps it had been very painful and her mind didn't wish for her to relive through it again.

Would it be okay if she never remembered?

Maybe she was feeling a hint of depression, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was because she was alone. For the moment, she was craving company as if she had been deprived from it for so long. Perhaps she wished to have Inuyasha by her side.

Inuyasha.

He had been acting different with her she could tell. He wasn't as affectionate as she had expected him to be. Sometimes, she was getting the impression he was acting like a stranger, but he had never been good with emotions. Also, he was perhaps being considerate since she was still recovering from the accident.

She gently lifted her hand before touching her head, feeling the bandage under her touch. That day, she could have very well died. It sent a shiver down her spine as she began thinking about all the things she hadn't done yet. Could it be that she had been holding back on life? Did she not enjoy the little things enough?

Kagome closed her eyes, a sigh rolling off her lips.

Every time she tried to sleep, it was always the same thing; rain.

No matter how much she tried to clear her mind, all she was able to hear was the sound of the rain echoing off the pavement and footsteps digging through the mud. She had inquired about it, but the doctors had brushed it off, blaming it on her brain trying to fix itself.

After a few seconds, the sound of the rain ringing through her head was driving her crazy so her eyes snapped open. In an attempt to clear her mind, she reached out for the phone near her bed, bringing it onto her lap. She needed to talk to someone; she didn't want to be alone.

The only problem was Kagome didn't know whom she should call.

There was Inuyasha, or Sango.

She took a deep breath before her fingers trailed upon the number pad, where she began dialing Inuyasha's cell phone number. As soon as it went through, she held her breath as if she was afraid he wouldn't pick up the phone. Once the thought crossed her mind, she softly shook her head; it wasn't like Inuyasha to not answer.

When had he not been there?

The phone rang three times prior to Inuyasha picking up.

"Hello?" he said, his voice betraying his drowsiness.

"Inuyasha?"

Suddenly, it was as if he was a bit more alert. "Kagome? Is everything okay?"

Why had she called him again? It made her feel so silly; he had been sleeping and she had disturbed him.

"I'm fine," she said, hiding the trembling in her voice. "I just- I wanted to hear your voice."

Are you coming over?

As the thought hit her mind, she felt herself freeze. After saying such thing to Inuyasha, a feeling of déjà-vu hit her and it was as if her mind was trying to finish the situation. Inuyasha and her had never been together fully, at least, not that she could remember, which left her to wonder.

Had something happened during the last year? Was it regular for him to come over?

"-Kagome... Kag?"

Him calling her name brought her back to reality. However, since she had not heard his reply, she changed the subject by asking her own question. "Inuyasha? Do you come over my apartment often, like at night?"

A silence installed itself between them, as Inuyasha tried to think of the proper answer.

It couldn't be that she remembered anything, since if she did, she would have never called him to tell him she wanted to simply talk to him. Maybe she was just trying to remember the past year by herself? The situation was a bit tricky since he didn't want to make any mistakes.

It was one thing to be with her in the hospital, but it would be another to be alone with her in her condo. He was not a jerk, and he would not take advantage of the fact that she didn't remember much but he still intended on making some sort of progress with her.

Inuyasha had no intention of allowing this attempt to fail.

"Pretty much all the time. Why ya wanna know?"

If he told her he didn't then it might bring a halt to their relationship, since she would think they were still at that step. He didn't really want to lie to her, but he had no other choice.

Kagome pressed her lips together unsure if she should ask her next question, or even if it was appropriate to do it on the phone. Yet, she couldn't help but want to know, to chase away the unsettling feeling in her stomach.

"Inuyasha did we… well…"

She had always promised she'd save herself for the right person, and although she knew Inuyasha was the one for her she had never felt ready to take that step. Perhaps it was because she had been waiting for a big commitment. Nonetheless, many things could have changed during the last year, and she needed to know.

Inuyasha sighed, wondering why she had to be provided with all those answers now. He hadn't even begun to come up with his whole plan, and the fantasy year he would tell her about. Obviously she'd ask for memories sooner or later, and he wanted to be ready with good lies.

"No," he said, sounding a bit irritated.

She bit on her bottom lip, unsure of what to add. But before she could come up with something, Inuyasha jumped in. "Look. Kag. You should sleep. You're comin' back soon and all. You need rest."

Kagome nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "I guess you're right. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

She wanted to say those three little words, but her eyes were teary and her heart was caught in her throat. "Good night Inuyasha."

Without even hearing his goodnight greeting, Kagome hung up the phone before slowly putting it back in its place. As she rested her head back on the pillow, she found herself confused. Why did it hurt her so much?

She blamed it on her current state or perhaps on her accident that had still left her confused. Kagome tilted her head to the side before closing her eyes; she wouldn't let herself dwell upon such silliness again. She was still recovering, and she was a mess from everything that had happened.

In a few days, especially when she would resume her life, everything would be better and all those horrible feelings would stop haunting her.

She would be back to herself once more and soon enough she'd remember.

Hopefully.

-P-

Sesshomaru's fingers were twitching as he tapped them along the wheel. Somehow, he had found himself corned by Miyu and now he was currently driving her and Sota to the hospital. Today was the day Kagome was returning to her apartment, and Miyu was the one who would help her home and remain with her for a few days.

He could have sent a driver, even paid for a cab, but she had barely given him a chance to say no. When she had subtlety pressured him into saying yes, she had reminded him of Kagome. The almost puppy eyes, the watery eyes, the soft tone, wondering what was wrong.

Sesshomaru was aware that Miyu was not oblivious to the situation. She knew how he felt about Kagome forgetting about him, yet it didn't stop her. He had also thought she loved Inuyasha like a son, so it surprised him that she was trying to include him in her daughter's life.

Frankly with his emotions so raw for the moment, he would rather be far from Kagome.

Yet, he missed her. Until now, he had never spent so much time alone or so much time in his house. She had often wanted to come over, but he always had insisted on coming to her apartment. Perhaps it was because it felt more like a home than his house ever would.

He could feel Miyu's eyes on him and it made him even more uncomfortable. He was used to Kagome's closeness and being able to hold her, tease her, even simply talk to her. It was not something he could do now, hence why he was not ready to face her. All of his emotions were building up inside of him with no way out.

The distance between his house and the hospital seemed longer than usual and he assumed it was the drag on his feelings of anxiety. But, eventually the building came into sight and his eyes narrowed a bit. Once he was done parking the car, he settled himself in his seat while Sota and Miyu were getting ready to get out.

It was when Mrs. Higurashi grabbed the handle that she noticed the lack of motions coming from Sesshomaru. "You're staying here?" she inquired, a bit surprise.

"She do-." He stopped himself, as the words had escaped him before he had been able to cease them. "You do not require my help."

Miyu knew very well what he had wanted to say, but she nodded her head nonetheless. She took her time exiting the car, before she and Sota made their way to Kagome's room.

Sesshomaru watched them go, his heart throbbing. He could hear her laugh ringing through his mind which caused him to glance away. Soon enough, she would be in his car and he wouldn't be able to know her. He would have to act cold, and inconsiderate like he used to do with her.

He wouldn't go up in her apartment, they wouldn't share a laugh, and there would be no close moments.

Once again, he was alone.

Meanwhile, Sota and Miyu were reaching Kagome's room. The door was open, and in the room, was an impatient Kagome waiting for them. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing regular clothes her mother had brought for her, playing with her hands and tapping her foot.

"Finally," she said with a smile on her face before getting up and hugging her mother.

As Miyu wrapped her arms around her daughter she noticed a new accessory in her hair. Kagome never wore bandanas before, which surprised her a bit. But then she remembered. When they had taken the bandages off her head, it had been revealed that Kagome was missing a few patches of hair due to the accident, and the operation on her head.

Once Kagome pulled away, her mother made sure to say anything about it; hoping to not make Kagome feel more self conscious about it than she already did. Kagome was all smiles when she hugged her little brother, before jumping back on her feet.

"Ready to go?" she asked, wanting nothing more than to leave the hospital.

There was nothing she hated more than being stuck inside of a hospital, especially since at the moment it wasn't attached to good feelings or memories. Once she would be able to put the whole incident behind her she'd feel better.

Miyu wrapped her arm around her shoulder, before they all headed out with Mrs. Higurashi casting a lingering glance in direction of her daughter. She knew her daughter would ask why Sesshomaru was the one to give them a ride, and although someone more involved could have done it, it was the only way Miyu could think of to keep a little contact between the two.

She had heard her daughter talk about Sesshomaru and the enthusiasm in her voice let her know he was important to her, more than Inuyasha had ever been. Miyu still liked Inuyasha, but she wished for her daughter's happiness. One day suddenly, Kagome had ceased talking about Inuyasha; letting Miyu concluded that something wasn't right.

But with Sesshomaru, there had never been any tears.

As Kagome allowed her mother to guide her to the car, she began to grow confused. Miyu was guiding her towards a car she didn't recognize, causing her to abruptly come to a halt. "Ma? Are you sure this is the right car?"

"Of course it is, Kagome," said Miyu, smiling at her daughter.

Then suddenly, she heard the driver door open and at first the shining color of silver tricked her to believe it was Inuyasha, but quickly enough she realized it wasn't him. It took her a few seconds to replace him, but then she remembered him from the hospital and how everyone had been surprised that she didn't recall who he was right away.

It wasn't really her fault though; how often did she see Sesshomaru?

Once she pulled herself away from her thoughts, she found herself wondering why he was the one picking them up. Inuyasha could have done it just as easily. For a second her eyes lingered on his face, and even though she expected him to glance away, he never did.

"Sesshomaru right?" she said, as he opened the door for her.

His eyes hardened a bit but he nodded his head, unable to utter a word. Before Kagome could slide in the back seat, Miyu cut in. "Kagome, do you mind riding in the front? I feel uneasy being in the front if I'm not driving."

Kagome frowned, a bit confused before shrugging her shoulders. "Sure."

Sesshomaru felt his blood become ice in his veins as the execution of any movements appeared to be impossible. Kagome sitting at the front? Beside him?

He had already seen the intentions behind Miyu's actions, but this would be torture. To be so close to her, yet so far.

His grip on the door tightened, and if he had possessed more strength he would have probably dented it. He gently closed the door behind Miyu and Sota, before opening the door for her.

Kagome, who had been on her way to open it, seemed a bit surprised, perhaps because she had not expected him to be a gentleman. She thanked him with a nod before sliding in. Since her eyes were not on him, he gave himself permission to stare at her a bit.

It was while he was pondering why she was wearing a bandana that he saw it. From under the corner of the blue fabric, he saw her scalp. He didn't know about this new Kagome, but the old one would be self conscious about it. And just like now, she wouldn't show her discomfort to the world, but inside, she would feel it.

Once he shut the door behind her, he hurried to his side of the car. This time around, he hoped the trip to return would be shorter than the trip to come because if not, he would explode.

Silence fell the car as he started it then slowly began making his way out of the hospital's parking lot. Sesshomaru hoped it would remain as quiet, as he didn't even know how to begin a conversation with her, but Kagome had something else in mind.

She didn't dislike Sesshomaru, but he had never treated Inuyasha very well, and he had always been rather cold to her because of her relationship with Inuyasha. To be honest, she was blown away to know he had come to pick her up, and that he had been in the hospital.

The only thing she could think of was that the relationship between the two brothers had improved during the last year. The thought actually made Kagome feel happy since for years Inuyasha had yearned for a real bond with his older brother.

"So you and Inuyasha are getting along now?"

The question almost caused Sesshomaru to press on the break because of the shock it gave him. As if he would ever get along with that filthy bastard. What in the world could have possibly given her that idea?

Unsure of how to response, he tested the waters. "Why?"

Kagome shrugged her shoulders. "Why else would he have asked you to pick me up?" And then, before he could answer, she added another question. "Was he working today?"

Truth was, everyone had agreed Miyu would be the one to help Kagome settle back in during the first few days, but since Kagome was not aware of that, or of the fact that Miyu had been staying at Sesshomaru's she couldn't know that it was why Sesshomaru had ended up being the taxi.

The simply mention of Inuyasha was enough to send him into a rage, especially while taking in consideration the latest events. He was never one to lie for her, but currently, his rage took care of that for him.

"Something like that."

Kagome's eyes remained on him a bit longer, but when he never turned to look at her, she gazed away. He didn't seem to be very comfortable in her presence, but then again, neither was she. They were pretty much strangers, so there was no reason for them to be acting like friends anyway.

The rest of the ride happened in silence, much to Sesshomaru's dismay. He didn't wish to be talked to but the complete quietness was a nuisance. She was so close he could taste her, yet he had to keep as much distance as he could. He wanted nothing more than to comfort her, and make her laugh about her bandana so she couldn't feel self-conscious anymore.

Yet he couldn't do any of it, and it killed him.

Although his attention was supposed to be focused on his driving, his eyes drifted in her direction. She was resting her chin in her palm, while peering out the window, her features so sad. Ever since that day, where she had kicked him out her apartment after making him promise that they would have dinner together, he hadn't seen her smile.

Even now, she looked depressed.

His hand was twitching to reach out for her so he could bring her comfort, but he held himself back.

Sesshomaru almost sighed in relief when her apartment came in view. For the first time in a long time, he wouldn't be going up the stairs and invading her privacy. He observed as she unbuckled her seatbelt carefully but then, she surprised him by looking his way.

"Thank you," she said; her voice soft.

Then, after he nodded, she offered a tiny smile before leaving his car. She patiently waited by the car as her brother and mother did the same, while he did his best to not gaze her way. Sesshomaru looked straight ahead as their footsteps echoed, and he remained in such position until he could no longer hear them.

Then it happened.

He pressed his forehead against the wheel, closing his burning eyes. Chaos was surging within him, while he was being surrounded by her divine scent.

And then, it became harder to breath and he knew he wasn't whole.

-P-