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In this chapter: Inu-Yasha struggles with hospital life and Kagome works her magic.

Guilty Hero

Chapter 6: Forgiven, Not Forgotten

“Dammit, woman!” Inu-Yasha snarled angrily, glaring as Kagome focused on her clipboard.  “Why not?!”

Sighing heavily, Kagome set down her clipboard and placed both hands on the bed, staring evenly at her irritable patient.  “I am a medical assistant, Inu-Yasha.  I’ve been studying to be a doctor for several years.  I know exactly the effects smoking has on the body.  I have seen lungs full of tar, throats covered in cancer, and hearts struggling to keep beating.  I cannot, in good conscience, provide cigarettes for you.”

“Look, I don’t give a damn about—“

“Inu-Yasha…”  Kagome interrupted him, tired of hearing him complain.  “For three days you have asked me the same question, and for three days you have received the same answer.  Now for the last time: I will not get you cigarettes.  Understand?”  Without waiting for a reply, she retrieved her clipboard and started to walk away.

It had been growing increasingly difficult to keep her temper around Inu-Yasha during the past three days.  He had finally awoken sober, and from then on had been a terror.  Complaining, whiny, and incredibly irritable, he had made her days hell, ordering her around, blaming all of his aches and pains on her so-called ‘poor’ nursing skills, and complaining bitterly about the service.  However, she did her best to retain an air of infinite patience; despite his more disagreeable traits, she was still intrigued by him, and could not waste opportunities to learn more of his situation.

Inu-Yasha scowled.  “You’re just being a heartless bitch,” he snapped, snagging her clipboard and dragging her back to his bedside so he could yell at her properly.  “Even that old hag Kaede would let me out for a smoke!”

Jerking her property out of his grasp, Kagome fought to hold her tongue; Kaede probably allowed him out so she could get a moment’s peace in the hospital, for Inu-Yasha was quite vocal in his displeasure with the service.  The prospect of him leaving the building, if just for a few minutes, was growing all the more appealing to Kagome, whose patience was wearing thin.  However, what she had told the demon was true; she had seen during her training dreadful cases of lung cancer and heart disease brought on by smoking.  So no matter what tactic he tried to persuade her, and he had tried several, she simply could not give in.

“Well, I’m not Kaede,” she replied quietly.  “So please stop treating me like her.  I’m only trying to help.”

“Help?!” he growled back.  “You’re not helpin’ me a bit!  Look at me—I’m shaking!”  He held up his hand to prove his point, and Kagome could easily see how violently it was trembling.  “And what would stop me from shaking,” he continued, speaking slowly like he was talking to a child, “is a cigarette.  Yet you won’t get me one.  Therefore—you’re not helping.”

Inu-Yasha had to admit, while he truly was annoyed with her for being so stubborn, he couldn’t help but take some joy from how angry she was becoming.  A muscle in her cheek was throbbing from how tightly her teeth were clenched, and her grip on the clipboard left her fingers white.  He preferred to see this as payback for her preventing him from satiating his frequent nicotine fits.  Why wouldn’t she cave in to his demands?  Kaede had never been able to stand him for long when he was stuck in the hospital before, but this young woman was proving to be a harder nut to crack.

“Look, Inu-Yasha,” she said with a tone of finality.  “I’ll repeat what I said to you the first time you asked me.  If you can find somebody to get you cigarettes without leaving this bed, I’ll allow you outside to smoke them.  End of discussion.”

Inu-Yasha abruptly shut his mouth, staring silently at her with a furious glare.  This woman knew exactly what she was doing.  She was well aware that the only people who ever came to visit him were Sango and Miroku, and she also knew full well that he refused to see them.  In fact, he ordered her to send them away the second he caught their scent in the waiting room.  But for some reason unbeknownst to him, she was constantly trying to ease the animosity between him and them; this latest scheme was clearly a plot to force him to suffer their presence while begging for a smoke.  Well.  He didn’t care much for being tricked in such a way.

“Damn you,” he growled finally, slumping back to the pillows and pointedly turning away.  “Get out.”

Although inwardly rolling her eyes, for she had heard him utter that phrase more times than necessary during his stay at the hospital, she couldn’t help but feel some guilt for the position she had put him in.  He had been without cigarettes or liquor for several days, which, as she had learned from a chat with Sango and Miroku earlier that week, was one of the worst punishments he could suffer through.  And, while she refused to let either of the vile substances anywhere near the hospital ward, she could still feel guilt at causing him undue stress and discomfort.

It was this thought that prompted her to say a kind word to him, despite all of her irritation.  “I’m truly sorry,” she said quietly, bowing her head.  “I know it’s difficult for you.  But I’m afraid my mind is made up.  Please understand, I’m only trying to do what’s best for you.”

“Like you give a damn,” Inu-Yasha suddenly snapped, making her start in surprise.  “You’re just doing your job; you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me.  Now quit pretending that you do and get the hell outta here.”

Kagome was quite hurt by his comment; she had been doing her best for the past five days to nurse him back to health, not just physically, but mentally as well, despite the great toll it had been on herself.  She had to deprive herself of sleep, endure his horrible tongue, and argue with him until she was blue in the face in order to do what was best for him.  She was concerned about him, and after so long of toiling over him, she was insulted by his snide remark.

Trying to keep her temper under control, she simply murmured, “I’m sorry…” once again and walked briskly out of the room.

“’Couldn’t give a rat’s ass…’” she muttered, slamming the clipboard on her desk and collapsing on the chair.  “How rude!  Does he not know how horrible he is?”  However, she quickly shook her head in an attempt to calm the anger rising.  It wouldn’t do to get mad at her overly stubborn patient.  “No…  This is only an opportunity for me to show him a kindness he doesn’t get often.  There’s a reason he’s this way, Kagome,” she reminded herself, reaching for the phone.  “It’s up to you to be patient and understanding.  Now—let’s show him how much I can give…”

Punching in an extension number, she waited through three rings before someone picked up on the other end.

“This is Sango,” a tense, stressed voice said.  “Make it quick.”

“Sango, it’s Kagome,” Kagome said, trying to sound relaxed and cheerful, for her superior did not appear to be quite happy at the moment.

“Kagome?  Is there something wrong with Inu-Yasha?”  The worry in Sango’s tone increased tenfold.  “He hasn’t done anything stupid, has he?”

“No, no,” Kagome quickly assured her.  “Things are going as smoothly as they have been.  I actually called because I’ve thought of a way you might be able to see him.”

A slight scoff came from the other end.  “He won’t see us, Kagome,” Sango told her, sounding a bit irritated.  “We’ve been trying every day, you know that!  It’s foolish to think otherwise.  Now if you don’t mind, we’re swamped up here--”

“Do you not trust me?” Kagome asked her suddenly.  “I have mended his broken arm, prevented the poison from taking over his body, eased his blistered hand, and kept the infection in his neck at bay.  While doing all of that, I have come to know him over the course of this past week, and I can assure you, I know his needs.  And he needs his friends.  Badly.”

Silence greeted her little speech.  Finally, Sango said quietly, “He needs us?”

“Yes,” Kagome replied.  “He’s absolutely miserable, and, while I can’t say I know your history, I’m fairly certain it’s because of whatever happened between the three of you.”

A longer silence met this answer.  “…You have a plan that will let us see him?”

With a small sigh of relief, Kagome nodded.  “I think I do.  Along with you two, he is also in need of food, because he refuses to eat any of the hospital food, and, as he has made blatantly clear, he needs cigarettes.  I’m going to use those weaknesses to get him to at least see you guys.  Are you with me?”

“Yes.”

“Good.  Now, on your lunch break, go get enough food for three people from a local restaurant, I don’t care which.  Pick up a pack of cigarettes and a lighter on your way.  When you get back, give me the cigarettes, then go outside and start eating your lunch.  I’ll have Inu-Yasha out there soon after.  Understood?”

“Affirmative.  Come on, Miroku!  We’re going on lunch—“ *click*

With a satisfied smile, Kagome hung up her phone as well.  She was finally about to make progress with the difficult half-demon in the next room.

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Inu-Yasha scowled bitterly when Kagome entered the room a few minutes later; she was the last person he wanted to see.  His previous nicotine fit had receded not long after she had left, but a new one had started soon after.  They were beginning to occur more frequently, and he was almost at the point where he would sneak out of the building to get cigarettes himself.  The only thing that kept him in his bed at the hospital was the minor fact that he had no money.  Also, as he grudgingly admitted to himself, he really didn’t have the strength to make it to a convenience store and back.  Sure, his wounds had healed, but his strength hadn’t even half returned.

“What the hell do you want?” he growled as Kagome slowly approached his bed with her hands behind her back.  “Going to show me some pictures of diseased lungs?  Or maybe you’re going to read me an article from a medical journal about the effects of smoking, because that just sounds so damn fun…”

“Hm.  Somebody has cigarettes on the brain, huh?”  She stared sorrowfully at him, a sad expression on her face. 

“Look, if you came in here to mock me—“

“No, no.  Calm down.”  Kagome quickly interrupted him before he could get going in a full-blown rant, for he was about ready to pull her head off.  “I really don’t like to see you this way, no matter what you may think.  It is a great physical toll on you not to smoke, as you’ve told me, and we need to make your recovery process as easy as possible so you can go home.  So that’s why…”  She brought her hand out from behind her back, holding out a brand new carton of cigarettes and a fresh lighter to the demon.  “I’ve changed my mind.  Take it.”

He didn’t need to be told twice.  As soon as he saw the precious commodity being handed to him, he quickly climbed out of the hospital bed and snatched it from her hand, tearing open the carton and pulling out one of the white sticks with shaky fingers.  However, he only just got it in his mouth when he heard Kagome say sternly.  “Not in here, though.  Smoke outside.  I’m not going to have you gas out my hospital.  Go on.  Out.”

With a frustrated growl, he stalked out of the room, so desperate for a smoke that he forgot to put on the slippers by his bed, and ended up running barefoot to the elevator.  Once inside, he pounded the button for the ground floor repeatedly, holding back a snarl as the doors slowly slid shut.

“C’mon, c’mon…” he muttered, waiting impatiently.  Suddenly, the elevator lurched upward, seemingly at his request, but he soon regretted that action.  The movement of the elevator made him realize that he hadn’t been fully upright in over a week; his head spun and his legs suddenly turned to jelly, forcing him to grab the wall for support.  Still, despite the nausea and disorientation, he stayed on his feet, determined to make it outside.

Stumbling out of the elevator as soon as it dumped him on the ground floor, he paused for just a moment against the wall, waiting for his vision to stop spinning .  After a minute, he pushed off; he was going to make it outside come hell or high water.

“Inu-Yasha!  What are you doing?  Do you need some help?”  Rin’s queries fell on deaf ears as Inu-Yasha doggedly staggered past reception, his fangs bared in determination around his unlit cigarette.  By this point he was about to get down on his hands and knees and crawl out the door, but Rin emerged from behind  her desk and quickly came over to hold the door open for him. 

Grunting his thanks as he all but fell outside, he slid to the ground against the side of the building, leaning his head back and shutting his eyes for a moment.  The short trip from the hospital outside had taken a lot out of him; enough that he even held off lighting his cigarette to give his aching body a rest.   However, it didn’t take long for his craving to win out.  With a trembling hand, he flicked his lighter and lit the tip, inhaling deeply, then expelling the smoke with a sigh of relief.

“Much better…” he murmured, his entire body relaxing as he took another drag.  Closing his eyes once again, he leaned back with his arms on his knees, fully enjoying the taste of the cigarette.  In fact, he was so relieved and relaxed that he failed to notice when two people joined him on the sidewalk.

“Feeling better?” one of them asked, and Inu-Yasha’s eyes flew open.  There were Sango and Miroku, sitting on his left against the building, chewing on cheeseburgers that, had he not been so annoyed by their presence, he would have pried from their fingers due to the tantalizingly irresistible smell.

“What the hell are you two bastards doing?” he growled, giving them the fiercest glare he could muster.  He would much rather get up and leave, but the trip outside left him utterly exhausted, and he doubted he even had the strength to stand.  “I thought I made it very clear that I don’t want to see your damned faces ever again.”

“We don’t have to do everything you tell us to,” Miroku replied lightly, carefully keeping his eyes on the road as he ate.  “We just wanted to enjoy our lunch outside, and you happened to be sitting in the prime spot.  That’s all.”

“There’s a bench down the street,” Inu-Yasha snapped back.  “Go sit there.  Just leave me be.”  Then he pointedly went back to his cigarette, trying vainly to ignore them.

Both remained suspiciously quiet for a little while after that.  In fact, Inu-Yasha was about to turn and yell at them again when a foil-wrapped burger was thrust under his nose.  As the mouth-watering scent of broiled beef, melted cheese, onion, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and ketchup drifted into his nostrils, he faintly heard Sango say, “Want one?”

Hell yes, he wanted one.  Now that his nicotine fix was taken care of, his empty stomach rumbled for its turn.  He hadn’t eaten more than the initial bite of the hospital food, finding it tasteless and inedible, and thus had gone for a week without food.  Granted, he often went that long without eating anything, but with his body was trying to recover from all he had put it through, he needed the extra energy.  So, when the juicy hunk of meat was placed in front of him, it took every inch of willpower to resist.

“No,” he said curtly, turning his head away as he tried to remind himself how furious he was with them. 
“I don’t want your pity, I don’t want your excuses, and I don’t want your damn sandwich!  Now leave me alone!!”

Sango cracked like an egg.  She could hardly stand to sit still in the first place, seeing her ill friend for the first time in a week, and to finally have the opportunity to speak to him about previous events while he was sober was almost more than she could bear.

“We will not leave you alone, Inu-Yasha!” she cried, slamming the burger to the ground in frustration.  “Don’t you get it?  We haven’t left you alone since that night!  No matter how many times you shout at us, yell at us, or curse us, we aren’t leaving you alone!  Now please, won’t you listen to what we have to say?!”

His cigarette dangling out of his open mouth as he stared at her in surprise, Inu-Yasha quickly recovered and brought back his glare, staring at her for a long moment as he thought. 

“Why should I?” he finally grunted, blowing out a cloud of smoke as he looked away.  “You’ve told me lies before, I don’t see why you’d suddenly change.”

“Inu-Yasha, please,” Miroku said softly, staring at the sidewalk.  “She’s been so upset about this.  Whether you choose to believe her or not, please just hear her out.”

With a disgusted scowl, Inu-Yasha fixed his gaze on the road, watching dully as cars sped past.  After waiting a few moments for her to speak, he finally snapped, “Well?”, making both of them jump in surprise.

“Look, I just…  I can’t tell you how much we’ve regretted sending you for that assignment,” she began slowly, her hands fidgeting on her lap.  “We knew going into it that you would be furious with us, but  we never expected…  well, all this to happen.  I mean, the hospital, your resignation…”

“If you knew I would be angry, then why did you do it?!” he snarled, pounding a fist on the concrete.  “Is it just because I was your best agent for jewel cases?  Hell, that idiot Koga could’ve handled that assignment!  Why did you send me?”

“Because we thought you could spare his life,” Miroku broke in quietly, trying to calm the demon down.  “You, unlike Koga, have compassion in your heart, which prevents you from just killing humans in cold blood.  Koga wouldn’t have thought twice about slaughtering that man.”

“That monster,” Inu-Yasha corrected, spitting the word out like it was foul.

“Our point is,” Sango continued in a wavery voice, “is that we didn’t know that he was too far gone to be saved.  We thought you would be able to save him.  But because we were missing that one piece of information, we caused all this, and for that we are truly…” Her voice broke, and she paused to swipe roughly at her eyes.  “…Truly sorry.”

Putting his arm around her shoulders, Miroku turned to the demon, who was looking very uncomfortable to see his superior weep in front of him.  “We never meant to hurt you that deeply, Inu-Yasha.  So, for all it’s worth, we’re asking that, if you won’t take our friendship back, at least accept our apology.  Please…”

Inu-Yasha shifted on the hard ground, feeling very awkward.  He almost felt foolish for being so furious with them when he realized how awful they felt over it.  However, it was still a difficult thing to let go.  His memory of Kikyo shooting him was still so vivid, so powerful…  He had many dreams haunted by Kikyo in his drunken slumbers in the days after the incident, dreams that often spurred the binge on as he desperately tried to forget.  It had been, on the whole, quite an unpleasant experience, and he was very cautious to become involved with the people who had purposefully brought it on.

But it was Sango and Miroku.  Sango and Miroku, the only people who, after Kikyo’s death, knew of the struggles he went through day-to-day.  The only people who were there for him as his life turned into a downwards spiral in the coming years.  The only people who stayed with him as he lost himself in bottle after bottle.  These were people worth staying by, and he knew that he couldn’t afford to lose them; he’d have nothing left if he pushed them away.

With a heavy sigh, he flicked his cigarette away and sat up a bit, looking at them out of the corner of his eye.  “Forgiven…” he murmured, “But not forgotten.  Not by a long shot.”

Miroku visibly relaxed, bowing his head.  “That’s more than we can ask for.  Thank you.  Thank you so much.”

“Ah, shut up.”  Turning to Sango, Inu-Yasha gestured at the slightly squashed burger still clutched in her hand.  “Are you gonna eat that?”

A small laugh of relief escaping her, she handed over the sandwich to his waiting claws, and the pair watched in amusement as he practically swallowed it whole, along with another cheeseburger and a carton of fries, finishing off the meal with a soda and another cigarette for dessert.  Then, though not very graciously, Inu-Yasha allowed them to help him to his feet, and together they made their way to the basement.

“So, I have to be honest,” Miroku said conversationally as the elevator doors slid shut.  “This meeting was not coincidence.  Miss Kagome was the evil mastermind behind it all, and thank goodness for it, right?”

“Hmph.”  Inu-Yasha leaned lazily against the wall.  With his nicotine fix taken care of and his belly full, the movement of the elevator didn’t faze him a bit this time around.  “That damn conniving nurse.  She should leave her nose out of our business.”

Sango shook her head.  “Say what you like.  I’m more than impressed with her performance.”

“Her performance?  Feh, you should fire her for what she does.  Meddling busybody…”

The elevator shuddered to a halt and the trio was deposited into the hospital.  Kagome immediately went to greet them, appearing quite eager as she approached the group.  Inu-Yasha, with a disgusted growl, brushed past, heading for his room.  “If you’re going to yap, keep it down,” he ordered over his shoulder.  The walk to and from outside had tired him out, and he wanted to rest.

“Well, he looks like he’s feeling better,” Kagome said once the door had shut behind the demon.  “That’s the most pleasant I’ve heard him be all week.”

“All thanks to you, my dear,” replied Miroku gallantly, catching her hand and bringing it to his lips.  “We owe—ohhh!!”

His compliment had been abruptly cut off when Sango crushed her heel into his foot and he found himself unable to speak, so she finished for him.

“We owe it all to you.  If not for you, that stubborn fool would still be snarling at us from the doorway.  But I think we’ve reached some sort of agreement now.  Things are much better.”

A broad smile crossed Kagome’s face.  “I’m so glad.  I don’t know what it was that he was so angry about, but I’m happy to see it’s resolved.  This whole thing was good for everyone: you two made amends, I know that Inu-Yasha’s eaten a proper meal for once, and he got cigarettes back.  Win-win-win.”

“Very true, very true.  Well, if you’ll excuse us, we really do need to get back to work.  There’s been an abnormal increase in the number of demon attacks recently, and we’ve got our hands full taking care of it.  But once again, thank you so much.”

“Of course, of course.  Come back and visit him anytime; he may just allow you in.”  Waving goodbye to the pair, Kagome couldn’t help but allow a small smile of triumph cross her face as she turned around and went back to her desk.  She couldn’t help but feel pleased about aiding in the resolution of an argument with a demon famed for his stubborn nature.  But more importantly, things were looking up for them all.

Cracking the door open to Inu-Yasha’s room, she peered inside, spotting him sleeping soundly on his bed, obviously tired out from the events of the day.  As she looked closer, she realized that this was the first time he slept with a peaceful expression on his face, rather than the pinched scowl he normally wore.

“See?” she whispered softly to him.  “I really do care…”

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