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Guilty Hero

Chapter 29: The Truth Floweth Forth

It was a delightfully cooling sensation on his forehead that pulled Inu-Yasha from the depths of sleep.  Ever so slowly, he dragged his eyes open to see what the sensation was, and, despite the hated light that battered his throbbing head, he was able to catch the very pleasant sight of Kagome’s face swimming above him before squeezing his eyes shut once more.  Moaning softly, he shifted a little on the couch and was greeted with a tiny gasp as a response.

“Sorry…  I didn’t mean to wake you,” he heard Kagome whisper softly, and even though his ears were not pleased by any noise at the moment, he had to admit that hearing her voice seemed to soothe him; he felt a sense of dread lurking in his subconscious, waiting for the right moment to strike at him as soon as he was coherent enough to recall the previous day, but her calming presence kept that feeling at bay.

Keeping his eyes shut, he carefully shook his head to let her know that she didn’t have to apologize, but even that simple movement made his head swim and his temples pound.  Grimacing, he groaned quietly, “Oh…  Kagome, I don’t feel so good…”

Her light chuckle washed over him, and soon he felt that same cooling sensation that had awoken him—he realized that Kagome was dabbing his face with a damp washcloth.  “I don’t doubt it,” she replied, keeping her voice low out of consideration for his sensitivity at the moment.  “You were tossing and turning in your sleep, and you were drenched with sweat.  Did you have a nightmare?”

“If I did, I don’t remember…” he mumbled, bringing his hand out from under the warmth of the flannel blanket to rub his aching head.  “God, what happened last night?  I haven’t had a hangover this bad in… well, about a week, I guess…”  Had it really only been a week?  It felt much longer than that; he supposed his four nights of sobriety that week, rather than his usual one or two, made the time pass more slowly than usual.

“It isn’t so much of what happened last night, it’s what happened yesterday morning,” Kagome corrected gently, removing the washcloth so she could dunk it in a bowl of water.

“Yesterday morning…?” he repeated, tentatively cracking his eyes open once more to look at her.

“Yes.  Sango and Miroku called you in to headquarters for a meeting, remember?”  She watched his face carefully as he tried to conjure up the memories.  “They wouldn’t let me in, so I waited down in reception with Rin.  A little while later you came barreling down the stairs right past me and out the door.  I followed you back here, where you started drinking and didn’t stop until you passed out.”  She placed  the washcloth back on his forehead, for she could tell his headache was really bothering him.  “Does any of that ring a bell?”

“Hmph.”  He frowned and rolled away, pulling the blankets back up.  “Why did you have to bring that up?”

“Ah.  So you do remember what happened.  Will you please tell me?”

A low growl emerged from the flannel-covered lump on the couch, and he sunk further into the cushions.  “I don’t want to talk about it.  This hangover is bad enough, why won’t you just let me suffer in peace?”

“I’d rather you didn’t suffer at all, honestly.”

That answer, as point-blank as it was, made Inu-Yasha slowly turn back over to stare at her, and he saw that she was looking evenly at him, clearly not making a joke.  “I mean it, Inu-Yasha,” she said.  “I hate seeing you make yourself so sick.  You were doing so well this week, and then all of a sudden, after this meeting you turned right back around and did this to yourself once again.  I want to know what made you hurt so bad so that I can help you.”

For a few moments, Inu-Yasha found he couldn’t speak; he felt so odd, hearing someone say that they cared for him.  Finally, he rolled over so that he was completely facing her, and, scowling the entire time, he grudgingly started to speak.

“They started off by tellin’ me that we definitely have another war on our hands.  Then they kept saying things like, ‘We know it’s not Naraku, he dead, so you don’t have to worry about that’.  They made it absolutely clear that things were not going to be the same as they were with Naraku.”  He growled softly at the memory.  “I asked them why the hell they were bringing that stuff up, and that damn fool Miroku told me, ‘so you won’t have any qualms about helping us protect the city’.”

Kagome looked at him in confusion.  “Why does that make Miroku a ‘damn fool’?”

“Because they knew!” Inu-Yasha shouted back, sitting up and pounding his fist on the sofa cushion.  “I had told them ages ago that, should another war happen, I wasn’t going to participate!  I couldn’t go through it again!  And yet, here they are, trying to convince me to do it!  How many times do I have to—urp.”  He abruptly clamped his mouth shut as his body roared its complaints about the sudden movement and noise, and carefully sunk back into the pillows, swallowing hard to keep the rising bile down.  Kagome quickly handed him a glass of water she had ready on the coffee table, and he gratefully drained the whole thing.

Once he had calmed down enough and the green tinge to his cheeks faded, he slowly went on with his story.  “That’s what I told them, actually…” he mumbled, keeping his eyes shut so his head would stop pounding so badly.  “I said I wouldn’t do it.  I refused to help.  That’s when…”  He paused, a muscle in his temple twitching as he tried to hold back his temper.  “…Sango said I would be doing the city a disservice, not to protect it.  And Miroku told me that the people in the city will look to me to defend them from the next threat.  He said that if I didn’t fight, the city would lose hope, and then fall to the opposition.  All because I won’t fight.”

He sighed heavily and tugged the blankets up, looking more sad rather than angry.  “This is a damn awful position to be in, Kagome…” he murmured.  “If I don’t fight, the city will fall.  But… but I can’t do it.  Not again.  I couldn’t take it.”  Groaning, he mumbled quietly, “…I don’t know what to do…”

Kagome, who had made it a point to keep quiet during his story, slowly got to her feet and tucked the blankets around Inu-Yasha, readjusting his washcloth that had fallen off during his miniature outburst.  “You’re going to stay here and rest,” she replied firmly, her tone indicating that there was to be no argument.  “Don’t think any more about it, just leave everything to me.”

Against his better judgment, he opened his eyes to warily study her.  “What do you mean by that?”

Smiling gently at him, although the steely look in her eye distracted him from the smile, she said, “Never mind that.  Just go back to sleep.  I’m sure you’ll feel better with a little more rest.  Now, if you’ll be all right on your own, I have an errand to run.”  Without waiting for an answer, she quickly went over to the door and grabbed her winter coat.

“Kagome…” he said slowly, wondering if he should be worried by her determination or not.  “What are you doing?  You aren’t going to the Order, are you?”

Snatching her purse off the floor and cramming a hat onto her head, she merely smiled at him and said, “Rest.  You’ll feel much better.”  And then she left, without giving him the chance to say anything else.

Once out of his apartment, her smile slipped off her face, replaced with a look of intense concentration.  Making a beeline down the stairs, she banged open the door of the building and strode out to her car.  Due to her focus on her main goal, the drive over the Order’s headquarters angered many other drivers on the road, but their honks and curses fell on deaf ears as she stared straight ahead.  At headquarters, she quickly climbed out of her car and walked briskly through the front doors with a terse, “Good morning, Rin!” to the receptionist, who was understandably confused by the abrupt appearance and rough tone of such a normally pleasant person.

“Um, good morning, Kagome…” she said weakly in reply, but Kagome was already in the elevator and on her way up.

When the elevator deposited her on the top floor, she slammed open the door and stormed into Sango and Miroku’s office without hesitation nor invitation and stood in front of their desks with her hands on her hips, glaring at them.  Her sudden presence was clearly a surprise to them both; Sango, who appeared to very nervous and jittery gave a tremendous twitch when the door opened and accidentally threw her pen into the window, and Miroku, who had his head on his desk, awoke with a start, sitting straight up and staring around in surprise.

“Kagome!” Sango cried, looking quite irritated.  “What on earth—“

“You be quiet.  I have something to say, and I am not going to be over-powered by either of you.”  Sango immediately shut her mouth, and even the bleary-eyed Miroku was startled into wakefulness by her tone.

Making certain she had both of their attention, her tirade began.  “This has gone on far enough.  For too long I have allowed you two to undo any progress I have made with Inu-Yasha.  For too long, Inu-Yasha has been beaten down by you two every time he tries to climb out of this whole he has dug himself into.  Don’t you two idiots understand what you’re doing to him?  Do you care nothing for his well-being?  He is your friend!!  He is the reason you are alive today to be the heads of the Order!  Why don’t you understand how important your friendship is to him?!  He values it above most things in his life, and yet you continually put him further and further back on your list of priorities!”

“Kagome, what is this about?” Sango broke in, her feeble hold over her temper barely keeping her in check.

Focusing her glare on the other woman, Kagome snapped, “He told me what happened during your meeting yesterday, and I am absolutely appalled by what you two did.  Blaming him for the city’s inevitable downfall?  Is that really what you think of him?  I mean, time and time again, you never miss out on an opportunity to make Inu-Yasha feel guilty about his way of life now!  You always force him into situations where he is certain to fail!  He will ever live up to your god-like expectations of him, and he will never be good enough for you, will he?  Is he even a person to you two anymore?  Or is he just a malfunctioning weapon for you to use against your enemies?  All you want is a quick fix that will keep him functioning long enough to get you out of another tight situation before he breaks down again—don’t you realize the effect that that has on him?

“He’s not a fool; he knows just how you look at him, but damn it, he’ still loyal to the both of you, and you just take him for granted!  With a little persuasion, he can be guilted into doing your dirty work, is that it?!”

“O-of course not!” Miroku stuttered, then flinched when Kagome turned her attention to him.

“Well, that’s the only way I can figure why you do such horrible things to him!  All you ever think about is keeping his image up—never mind that the man behind the image is falling to pieces from the tremendous burden he bears, as long as nobody else sees that, then it’s fine, right?  So even though you know that the day of the Peace Day gala is the hardest day of the year, you still force him to go and pretend to be someone he isn’t; it doesn’t matter that afterwards he tries to drown himself in liquor, at least the city was happy to see him!  ‘Leave him alone, he’s dangerous’, that’s what you told me—well why did you never do anything about it?  Oh, because you’re always working, never taking any time to actually get to know why Inu-Yasha is the way he is!  You just work, you give him an assignment, yell at him when he’s unable to do it properly, which makes him feel even worse about himself—damn it all, what is wrong with you?!  You need to stop seeing him as an asset and start seeing him as a person.  With friends like you two, it’s no wonder he’s still a drunk!”

Kagome paused here to catch her breath and take note of her superior’s reactions; both were staring dumbly at her, clearly at a loss for words.

Taking a deep breath to try and calm down, she went on, this time in a much softer, but still fairly harsh tone.  “I’m sorry for saying things so bluntly, but it seemed you weren’t going to get the message any other way.  Now, all I have left to say is this: if you really do want to help Inu-Yasha, then meet us outside here at ten o’ clock tonight.  And if you value your jobs more than him, then I understand, but I highly suggest you cut your ties with him—you’re doing nothing but dragging him down.”  With all that said, she spun on her heel and quickly left the room, leaving Sango and Miroku sitting as still as statues.

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“Why won’t you tell me where we’re goin’?” Inu-Yasha grumbled as he climbed into the passenger’s seat in her car.

“Because I don’t want to ruin the surprise!” she replied cheerfully, sliding in next to him.  “Now, are you sure you’re feeling well enough to go out?  I don’t want to force you into anything when you don’t feel well.”

“Hmph.”  He crossed his arms and scowled out the window as she started the car and pulled out onto the road.  “You made me sleep so much today that if I wasn’t feeling well I’d be worried.  Why the hell did you make me sleep so much, anyway?”

“Sleep is the best cure for a hangover,” was her response.  “Well, except for more liquor, but that has bad side effects.  Besides, it’s not my fault my lap is too comfortable.”

Inu-Yasha looked sharply at her.  “Wait, what the hell do you mean by that?  Who said that?”

She smiled, keeping her eyes on the road.  “You did.  This afternoon, remember?  You woke up a little when I got up to get more tea, but as soon as I sat down again you laid your head on my lap and said “Dammit, Kagome, you lap is too comfortable,” then went back to sleep.  It was very cute.”

Spluttering, Inu-Yasha finally growled, “I did not!  I would never do that!”

“Wouldn’t you?  Well, you already did.  In fact, while you were sleeping you kept cuddling up to me, too.  I never knew you were so affectionate!”

“I did not!!” he snarled again, a deep red blossoming in his cheeks.  “Where the hell do you get ideas like that?  Do I seem like the affectionate type to you?!”

At this, Kagome laughed.  “Well, not now you don’t, but you certainly were this afternoon!”

This banter went on for a few more minutes, until Inu-Yasha realized the car was slowing down, and he peered out the window so he could see where they were.  “Wait a second…” he growled, suddenly tensing up.  “What the hell are we doing at the Order?  This is the last damn place I want to be today.”

Kagome sighed slightly, and moved to parallel park by the curb.  “I know, Inu-Yasha, but this is just a quick pit stop.  We shouldn’t be here more than a minute.”

“This pit stop wouldn’t have anything to do with taking on more passengers, would it?” he snapped.  “Because I see two people walking towards this car that should be walking in the other direction.”

“Inu-Yasha, please.  The fact that Sango and Miroku are out here means something very important.  I need you, for once, to hold your tongue when they get in here, understood?”

He glared at her, clearly unhappy.  “Did you not hear me when I told you what they said to me yesterday?  Do I need to tell you again?  I think I have the right to be angry, you know!”

“Yes, you absolutely do.  But please control your temper, just this one time.  Please.”

He didn’t have the chance to answer her, for it was at that moment when Sango and Miroku arrived at the car, Sango slipping in behind Inu-Yasha, and Miroku going around to sit behind Kagome.

Deciding to set the tone for the evening, since Inu-Yasha was scowling furiously out the windshield and Sango and Miroku both had a blend of anxiety and fear in their faces, Kagome smiled kindly at them in the rearview mirror, hoping to put them at ease.  “Good evening,” she said brightly, waiting until they had buckled their seatbelts before pulling out again.  “I’m very glad the both of you could make it.”

Seemingly heartened by her lack of severity, Miroku slowly spoke up.  “Um, yes, well, it took a bit of work, for Kaede was certainly unhappy to hear that we both suddenly wanted tonight off, but…  Well, we wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“Ah, good for you.  You’ve worked plenty hard, I think you should’ve had a break long ago.  Kaede will just have to make do without you tonight.”  Kagome turned a corner, her tires crunching in the fresh-fallen snow that had yet to be plowed away that day.

An awkward silence fell, until finally Miroku nudged Sango’s arm to get her to add to the conversation.  “So… where are we going?” she asked hesitantly.  “I hope it’s not somewhere fancy; Miroku and I didn’t dress properly for that.”

“Oh, goodness no.  I wouldn’t put Inu-Yasha through that kind of torture.”  Kagome gave him a small smile, but he was too busy fuming silently in his seat to notice.  With a  sigh, she went on.  “I thought we might go to the park.  It’ll be so pretty with all of the fresh snow on the ground…”

“You seriously want to go to the park at ten o’ clock at night with a demon war about to begin?” Sango asked, trying to keep a tone of sarcasm out of her voice.

Kagome didn’t seem to notice.  “Well, I’m afraid I had to make it so late; the park is a surprisingly romantic place for young couples, and, despite the dangers of being out late, they linger for quite some time, so we needed to wait until they were gone.  And besides, we have Inu-Yasha with us; he can beat up anything that would be so foolish as to disrupt our walk.  Right?”  She hoped the flattery might soothe his temper, and he did seem to lighten slightly at the comment, although silence still held his tongue.

“That’s right…” Sango answered slowly, glancing over at the demon.  “We do have Inu-Yasha, don’t we?  We should be just fine.”  When Inu-Yasha suddenly flicked his gaze over to the rearview mirror to look at her in surprise, she gave him a small smile, which he snorted at in reply and looked away.

The rest of the drive to the park was silent, but when Kagome pulled into the completely empty parking lot, everyone save Inu-Yasha quickly climbed out of the car and stood at the entrance, staring out at the park.  Living in the big city, it was rare to see a beautiful snowy nature scene, so the sight of the snow-covered branches, the brick walkway covered with a light dusting of snow, and every inch of ground covered in an unspoiled, pristine white blanket, glittering from the lamps that followed the path.

Kagome couldn’t help but sigh at the sight, smiling up at Inu-Yasha as he slowly stepped up next to her, staring silently at the park.  His expression was unreadable, but at least she knew he wasn’t quite so angry now.  Deciding to bite the bullet, she grabbed his hand and tugged him onto the brick path.  “Come on, let’s go.  If it’s this beautiful now, I can’t wait to see what it looks like in the wooded area.” 

Sango and Miroku followed behind the other couple, falling into a leisurely stroll as they stared around themselves.  It was so odd, after so many weeks of being stressed and tense over demon fights, elections, wars, and attack plans, that such a simple thing as a walk through the park suddenly left them feeling calm and relaxed.  Sango even allowed Miroku to take her hand, and Miroku was able to restrain himself from exploring her backside.

For several minutes, both couples walked in silence, Kagome and Inu-Yasha pulling farther ahead so they could give the other two a bit more privacy, due to Kagome’s urging.  “Look at them,” she whispered, peeking over her shoulder.  “They really needed this.  Just a night to get out of the office and do nothing, for once.  You should have seen them earlier, Inu-Yasha.  They just looked horrible, all tense and jumpy.  I don’t think they’ve slept or eaten well in days.”

“Huh.”  Inu-Yasha glanced down at her, keeping his eyes on the path ahead.  “So you did go to see them this morning.  I thought so.”  He had been trying, between the several naps he had taken that day, to figure out where she had gone on her ‘errand’ that morning, but she had kept mum about it, and his curiosity was driving him insane.  “What were you trying to accomplish by that?”

Kagome frowned up at him, pulling her hat down over her ears as the chilly air nipped at her.  “I’m not going to tell you everything I said to them, but I will tell you this.  I laid everything on the line for them.  I said that if they still valued you as a person and not as an asset, then they needed to meet us tonight.  But if they thought they would be unable to juggle both you and their jobs at the Order, then they needed to cut their ties with you.  So Inu-Yasha…  The fact that they’re here should mean something to you.  It should show you that they aren’t going to give up; that they’re going to step and make some changes.”

Inu-Yasha kept quiet, staring down at his sneakers as they continued to make fresh prints in the snow.  He said nothing, but Kagome was able to see his face, and from his expression, she could tell that he was deep in thought; clearly her words had some affect.  Pleased with this, she wrapped her arms around his and leaned into his warm body, and they went on down the path, surrounded by dozens of snow-covered trees.

Meanwhile, several paces behind, Sango and Miroku were strolling along, reveling in the sights and sounds of the park. 

“Isn’t this beautiful…?” Sango murmured, giving Miroku’s hand a gentle squeeze as they walked.  “Why don’t we do this more often?”

Miroku let out a soft sigh, his breath misting in the winter air.  “Work always gets in the way of such simple pleasures,” he replied softly.  “It’s gotten in the way of a great number of things, actually.”

“Then why are we still there?” Sango asked, bringing her gaze down to her shoes as she recalled their reason for going out tonight.  “If work has turned us into such… t-terrible people, why are we still going back every day?”  Her voice caught as she thought of everything Kagome had said to them that morning, and she still couldn’t help but cringe in guilt every time she looked at Inu-Yasha.  She knew he was absolutely furious with them, and yet he still always allowed them back in.  It was something he had done time and time again, and she had always taken it for granted.  She had never realized just how deeply those scars ran, however.

“Because it’s the only thing we know, my dear,” Miroku replied.  “We know it, and we’re good at it.”

“Hmph.  Well, that shouldn’t stop us from doing other things.”

He looked down at her, a small grin growing on his face.  “And what sort of ‘other things’ did you have in mind?”

Sango glanced over at him, looking a little surprised to be asked such a thing.  “Oh, I’m not sure…  What about travel?  I’ve always wanted to travel.  I’ve never even left the city limits because of the Order.  Wouldn’t it be fantastic to go to some tiny village in Africa, or sail down to Australia, or trek across China?”

“Well, that does sound nice…” Miroku said slowly, carefully pushing aside a low-hanging branch as they passed.  “But wouldn’t you get lonely, doing all of that by yourself?”

Sango raised an eyebrow.  “And just what are you proposing?”

“Well, perhaps a companion for these trips might make things more enjoyable.  A familiar face in an unfamiliar land.”

Unable to keep a straight face, Sango asked him, “Are you suggesting that you accompany me on my journey across the world?”

“Oh Sango, I can’t say I would care for it much, but if you insist, then I shall join you.”

Sighing, she rested her head on his shoulder, surprising him at the sudden touch.  “All right.  Once this damn war is over, you and I will quit the business and travel.”

Smiling broadly, he put an arm over her shoulders.  “It’s a deal.”

They walked on, their shoes crunching in the light snow.  Miroku sighed happily as he glanced up through the tree branches at the night sky; for such a horrible day, the night was turning out to be very enjoyable indeed…

“Heads up!”

The unexpected shout made Sango and Miroku start, and then out of nowhere a snowball smacked Miroku in the head, making him stagger back a couple steps.  Up ahead, Sango could see Inu-Yasha holding another one ready, a tiny grin on his face as he caught her eye.  Within seconds the missile was flying through the air, and Sango had barely enough time to dodge it.

For a moment, both her and Miroku stood in shock—Inu-Yasha had never acted in such a way before, not even with Kikyo.  This made them consider the possibility that perhaps these snowball attacks were veiled attacks out of anger towards them, and both tensed for another wave.  However, when Inu-Yasha bent over to make more arsenal, Kagome sent an expertly aimed one in his direction, hitting him in the butt and making him yelp with surprise.

“Dammit, woman, I thought you were on my team!” he yelled as she laughed aloud, only to be cut off as a snowball landed square in her stomach.  Soon after things disintegrated into utter chaos between the two, and as soon as Sango and Miroku realized that Inu-Yasha was actually playing, they joined into the fray, lobbing mound after mound of snow at their attackers.

Finally, after almost an hour of fighting in the snow, they made their way back to the car, soaking wet and exhausted from laughter and shouting.  Shaking all the excess snow off their coats, Sango and Miroku slipped into the backseat as Inu-Yasha and Kagome got into the front, and once the heater was on full blast, she pulled out of the parking lot.

Things were quiet for a little while; Kagome realized after a few minutes of driving that Sango and Miroku had fallen asleep, leaning against one another in the backseat.

“They must be exhausted,” she whispered quietly to Inu-Yasha, who had been staring out the window.  “I’m surprised they lasted as long as they did.”

“Mm.”  He grunted apathetically, casting a glance in the rearview mirror to watch them.

She smiled gently at him.  “I’m very proud of you, you know.  You did a very good thing back there.  I’m sure they feel so much better knowing that you aren’t going to hold a grudge.”

“Who said anything about that?  I was just playing a damn game.  It means nothin’.”  It was easy to see the red tinge burning his cheeks again.

Kagome grasped his left hand in her right.  “It means everything to them.  That’s all that matters.”

Rolling his eyes, Inu-Yasha sighed and looked out the window again.  “You’re crazy, Kagome.”  But he gently squeezed her fingers in return.

Kagome turned her attention back on the road, feeling quite pleased with herself.  She couldn’t help but feel a little proud of herself for what she had accomplished today.  She had helped mend a broken relationship, she had relieved to over-stressed leaders of their duties for a while, and had even helped Inu-Yasha inadvertently enjoy himself and keep him off the drink for an evening.

All in a day’s work… she thought with a pleased sigh.  When Inu-Yasha looked over at her to see what was wrong, she smiled and said conversationally, “Well, let’s drop these two off and then get you home.  It’s time to get some sleep, I think.”

“Aww, I’ve been sleeping all day…” he whined.

“But it’ll be on your new comforter, not on the couch.”

“Oh.  Well, I guess that’s okay, then.”

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