I looked down, not meeting her eyes as she kneeled down to face me. I studied the scab and tried to make it appear that I didn't know what she was talking about. I was trying to make myself believeable.
    "Kagome, answer me," She said firmly, "where did you get this?"
    "Oh, that," I said, trying to make it sound like nothing, "I just tripped and fell yesterday. You know, clumsy me."
    I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't buying it. She didn't believe me. Not that I had expected her to. I mean, Sango's smart enough to know when I'm lying. Then again, most people were. She was just the only one who wasn't afraid to confront me about it.
    To my surprise, she just nodded and accepted my lie. I was dumbfounded. She was one of the last people I had expected to believe me. Sango wasn't gullable.
    "I'm going to head back now," She told me, looking deep into my eyes once more, "are you going to be alright here?"
    "Uh, yeah, I'm okay." I was trying to be convincing, again. I could tell it still wasn't working too well.
    Sango stood up and walked off. I grabbed my knees and pulled them into my chest, closing my eyes. I was listening to the sound of Sango's footsteps, growing fainter and fainter with each step away she took. The sound of the water flowing around me soon took over my ears and I knew she was gone.
    When I reached back into my bag to feel for my razor, I thought about what had just happened. Did I really want to subject myself to these lies, and constant stories? I shook my head. Of course I didn't.  Nobody wanted it, they just sort of fell into it and became trapped into the hole without any sight of a way out.  Unfortunately, I may have already dug my way into it and dove into it headfirst.
    I gripped the handle, weighing out my options. Though I could feel good all the time, I wasn't sure if I was able to control it. I wasn't sure if it was something I was capable of maintaning without huge flaws. Maybe I didn't want to feel good all the time, maybe I just wanted a reason to feel bad.
    As I thought about it, I realized that option may not have been so absurd. I craved the endorphins, and seeing all of the blood drip from my undeserving veins. But at the same time, I was bringing all of this hiding and lying upon myself that brought down my high. Maybe that's what I really craved.
    I looked down at my pink-handled razor. The blades were glistening in the moonlight. It almost sickened me to think like this, but it was a part of myself I couldn't contain. It was now going to be something I would have to deal with every day from here on.
    In a burst of courage, I threw the razor as hard as I could, and watched it drop into the water with a splash. I almost felt relieved that the temptation wouldn't have to be there. Although, now I wouldn't have anything to shave my legs with. Great thinking, Kagome.
    After washing my hair, I felt calm enough to head back. I gathered my things slowly, and dried my skin off. I took my time though, not allowing a single drop of water remain on the surface. My skin was soft, smooth. It smelled good, as well. I enjoyed feeling the skin against my equally soft and sensitive fingertips, letting goose-bumps raise as they trailed.
    As soon as every inch of me was dry except for my hair, I dressed myself leisurely, still attempting to buy myself time. There was still a small mass of fear in me that worried about Sango's knowledge. I knew for a fact that she knew I was lying. I also knew that if she knew something was wrong, she wouldn't hesitate to share it with the others. Though I knew she was only trying to help me, it angered me when people shared something about me. It didn't matter what it was either, it just bothered me.
    I sighed and began to tread back to Kaede's hut. I was feeling different than I had when I had come to the onsen. It was almost as if I had washed away the part of me that craved to have my skin split in allowance of blood to spill onto my skiin. Instead, that layer had left me with a bittersweet feeling hanging heavy on my heart. It was mostly the aftermath of seeing what I had. Mostly being the keyword.
    When I stepped into the hut, I blindly placed my bag and my towel down by my sleeping my bag. I could feel everyones eyes on me, burning my skin with their stares. But I paid them no mind, running a hand through my drying hair. I just had to remind myself to breathe, and breathe deeply. That was the only way I could avoid nervousness.
    I looked up to see that there was nobody inside. They must have all been out around the town or something. A heavy sigh of relief and feeling of stupidity escaped my lips and I peaked my head outside the hut.
    "Hey Kagome!" I heard someone call to me. But not just anyone. It was him.
    Somehow, I managed to keep a cool composure. I didn't show the way my heart felt as if it had just exploded, or that a sudden onset of tears were threatening to build and overflow my eyes. I didn't let anything become apparent on my face.
    Instead of setting my eyes on him, I stepped out of the hut and looked above him so it looked as if I was staring straight at him. I tried to smile, but my face wouldn't let the muscles move that way. That only made sense, seeing as all I wished to do was frown. And cry.
    "How are you?" He asked, in a force of politeness. He appeared to be trying to hide something, though it was no wonder what it was.
    Horrible, absolutely horrible. "Just fine, thank you." I said mirroring his tone. "How was Totosai?"
    "He was about as good as that old man could be. Though I guess if you could measure his happiness by the amount of time he yelled or complained at me, then I suppose he's doing great.
    I managed to choke out a garbled laugh that sounded awkward and stupid. You could tell it was completely fake. The only thing I could pray for from this point was that I didn't cry and lose the little barrier of what was wrong only to myself. That was becoming harder and harder as it felt like my lungs were collapsing from all of the pushing my racing heart did on them. I hoped Inuyasha didn't think too much of the sound of my heartbeat.
    "Are you okay? You look upset or somethin'."
    "I'm just fine." My voice was beginning to sound fake and high pitched. I was blinking trying to hold back my tears.
    "Okay." He shrugged, and walked right past me into the hut.
    My breath caught in my throat as he brushed against my arm. I felt the tears slowly break through my force of trying to keep them from slipping through. Soon enough, there were tears streaming from my face.
    There were footsteps coming closer to me. I shut my eyes tightly trying to stop my tears and avoid seeing who was nearing me. When the footsteps stopped, someone slipped their hand over one of my balled fists and led me away. I opened my eyes. It was Sango.
    She was bringing me further away from the hut, and we were venturing through the forest. There was a knowing look in her eyes, as if she was bringing me to a spot that would help ease my worries. Sango's grip loosened when she realized that I wasn't going to try and break away from her.
    We stopped in a field. There were flowers clustered near the back half of the grass. There were no trees in the middle either, just tall orchids and soft ankle-length, green grass. She let out a happy sigh as she closed her eyes and kicked off her sandals.
    "I come here whenever I get upset with Miroku. Kirara and I lay in the grass and I talk while she listens for hours. Sometimes I don't speak, and we just take in the sights around us. I thought this place would help cheer you up." She spoke gently.
    I was still taking in the sights in awe. The beauty of it was so raw and untampered with, which was so hard to come by in my time. Everything was all buildings and pavement. The only greenery was amplified and perfected in parks and such. This was perfect in an imperfect way. I already felt myself let go of my worries.
    "I understand why you did this to yourself, Kagome," She proceeded, "I've thought about, and even considered, something like that myself many times. I felt as though it was my body and I shouldn't have to worry about what others thought. But I knew how wrong it was to do a thing like that to myself. Because even though I was the only one feeling the cut, I wasn't the only one feeling the pain, or the only one being hurt."
    Again, she had astounded me. But before I could react any farther, or respond, she swept me up in a tight hug. I returned the hug and placed my chin on her shoulder.
    "You'll be okay," She whispered, stroking my hair.
    Somehow, today, right here, I believed that maybe I could be okay.

    My eyes were growing to be heavy. Sango had stayed with me for a while before returning to the others, constantly asking if it was alright. Of course, I agreed. The lush grass was enough to comfort me for now.
    Tiredness was overwhelming me. I knew I should head back, but I didn't want to see him yet. I wasn't ready to talk to him, even though my heart had slowed down. It was almost like a foggy state I was sitting in, where I wasn't mad at him, or upset, but I still felt something bittersweet flitting beneath the surface.
    Soft winds were rustling the flowers, the moonlight accenting their petals. It had to be getting very late. If I was lucky, Inuyasha would already be asleep and wouldn't even want to talk. But then again, if he was on edge enough, he would be waiting up for me. I'm not sure which would make me more upset. I'm so silly.
    If he were waiting up for me, I would be mad. I wouldn't want to talk to him, and it would make me have to talk about what's been going. I can't lie to him. But on the other hand, if he had gone to sleep, it would make me feel dejected. It would make me feel as though he didn't even care, or that he wasn't worried enough about me to wait for me. It was a lose lose situation.
    Maybe, I wouldn't even be upset. Weighing out my options now made me feel better. I guess knowing my feelings makes it easier to coast through them.
    I pulled myself up onto my feet, feeling stronger. Yes, I would go back now. I had to, it was dark and dangerous. I was surprised Sango or someone else hadn't come looking for me already.
    My feet dragged along the trail in the way we had come. The sound of my shoes scraping against the dirt and rocks usually made me cringe. To me it was like nails on a chalkboard, or scraping metal. Today it was hardly even a bother. Then again I was exauhsted.
    By the time the hut was in sight, I was already stumbling in jagged lines. I was ready to fall over and sleep where I was. But I knew I had to keep pushing myself foreward, I had to keep going. I just had to...
    The blurrier my vision became, the slower I moved. It was like the ground was shaking me, trying to make sure I was trudging around in a blind stupor. I wasn't going to make it, there was no way now.
    Alas, I managed to stagger in through the entry-way of the hut. I shuffled in loudly, my heavy aching feet practically stomping on the floor. I felt bad, for I was probably waking everyone up, but all I longed to do was close my eyes and sleep.
    Someone caught my arm before I slipped to the ground, but I couldn't tell who it was. My eyes wouldn't focus, and my body was sagging with tension. Their grip was firm, yet comforting. I fell into their arms.
    "Are you okay?" A voice whispered to me, keeping low.
    I was trying to nod, and I was hoping it was coming across clearly, but my neck was so stiff I wasn't sure if it was even moving. I looked up, trying to take in their face, see who was holding me, and all I saw was silver hair. By that mark, I knew who it was.
    In fact, I wasn't as repulsed or angry as I thought I would be. Maybe it was just the tiredness talking, but I was sort of glad. That he was here, and he cared. That was all that mattered at this point.
    Inuyasha swept me up, carrying me bridal-style in his arms out of the hut. I wondered where we were going. Where could he be taking me?
    "I know you're tired, but I think we should talk." He set me down. It was so fast it hardly felt like we moved at all.
    I opened my eyes to see us high up in Inuyasha's tree he liked to sit in. He was being so unusually polite and kind. I guess he was trying to suck up, or soften my feelings. Sango must have told him. That should upset me, or at least it usually does. But not today. I was too calm. This was anger to be felt in the morning.
    "Look, I know you didn't really go see Totosai. I know that you were here with Kikyo." I told him. Or at least, that's what I was trying to say, that may not have been what came out. I sounded relatively strong.
    He didn't look surprised. "Yeah. Sango and Miroku saw me too. I was on my way to see him, but Kikyo stopped me. She managed to rope me into one of her 'talks'."
    It was hard to tell if he was trying to lie or not. As he droned on, I couldn't help but wonder if he was only being soft with me because Sango warned him I was fragile. If she hadn't, he would probably be yelling and fighting with me. Maybe he just didn't want to wake people up.
    "I know you're probably really mad, but in my defence-"
    "It's okay. I'm not mad." I closed my eyes and hid my face in his shoulder. I figured if I did this he would let me sleep.
    "But Sango said-"
    I knew it. She told him. Anger was trying to spark within me, but I was so burnt out I didn't give a care.
    "I was upset before, but I'm fine now. We should continue this later. I'm tired."
    He didn't say anything. He didn't even move. I wasn't sure if he was shocked at my passive-agressiveness, or if he wanted me to sleep right then and there. Although in the state I was in, I wasn't about to hold on for much longer. So I stopped worrying about it, and let myself sleep where we were.

    Inuyasha's eyes were in front of me when I awoke. But not just in front of me, right up in my face. "You up yet?" He asked innocently.
    I jumped back and let out a girly wail. "Well I am now!" I sounded a little frustrated, which I wasn't.
    "I'll take that as a yes." He seemed to be acting himself again. I sighed, knowing what that would entail.
    Sango laughed harshly, but happily behind me. I could hear snorts errupting from Miroku and Shippou too, as if they were trying to hold their laughter back. My heart was still racing from the startlement of being awoken with a pair of golden eyes in my face.
    I stood up shakily, feeling my own laughter building up in my chest. "What's with you?" I asked.
    Inuyasha gave me a blank look. "What do you mean?"
    I exhaled impatiently, a smile still on my face. "Why were you staring at me until I woke up?"
    "Well you told me our conversation would continue later, so I figured it was later now."
    "So you had to stare at me?"
    "Well I had to do somethin'!"
    I blinked. There was no way to respond to that. The only possible response I could give to him was staring wide eyed like an idiot. Watching me sleep must have been entertaining. Either that or it was just something he did a lot. The only problem was that it made me feel weird inside, knowing that if I said anything or did anything, he would definately know.
    He grabbed me by my wrist and dragged me hastily out of the hut. I couldn't even keep up with him. He looked almost angry, contrasting with how he was treating me last night. Maybe he was making up for being so "weak" as he would say. That Inuyasha.
    "Slow down would you! You're going to rip my arm off!" I yelled at him.
    "Then hurry up." Yup, he was back to normal all right.
    We stopped by the well, and he sat on the edge. I was hesitant to do the same. I wasn't sure what he was going to do, or what he was even thinking. He seemed upset, that's for sure.
    "What's your deal!" I was growing frustrated.
    "Keh, I don't know what you're talking about." He wouldn't meet my eyes.
    "You're throwing me around like I'm a paper doll! Why are you so upset!"
    "Because you're hiding somethin'! I know you are, you're a horrible liar!" He stood up, "What aren't you tellin' me!"
    That caught me off guard. I thought Sango had told him everything already. I guess I was wrong. But there was no way I could tell him about anything now. The only things I could tell him were the things he already knew. I couldn't risk getting him any angrier, or he would lose it.
    "Kagome!" I was taking to long to respond.
    "I'm not hiding anything! I already told you everything yesterday! I was upset about seeing you and Kikyo together, and now I'm over it." I tried to turn away, but he grabbed my wrists and forced me to face him.
    His face began to pale, as though he had forgotten I had seen anything. "Well, w-what did you see?"
    "All I saw was the two of you kissing. I didn't intend on sticking around after that, so if anything else happened, I assure you I had vacated the scene before that." I broke his grip and crossed my arms.
    "Look, it wasn't what it may have looked like!"
    "Forget it. I already told you, I'm over it." I began walking away.
    For the third time, he caught my wrist. The skin was still tender from the cut I had made barely two days ago. I was very uncomfortable with him so close to touching the scab. I was still trying to make sure he didn't find out.
    "Why are you so upset?" His tone was beginning to soften, but was still flustered.
    "I'm not upset!" I was trying not to sound defensive, but I could tell it wasn't working.
    "Yes you are. What's  your problem, never mind mine. Sango mentioned somethin' was wrong, and I know that it wasn't just seeing me with Kikyo."
    "Sango doesn't know anything. All that happened was I saw you kissing Kikyo, I freaked out and left. Nothing else happened!"
    He tightened his grip on my wrist when I tried to walk away again. This made me flinch, and it alerted him to something, though I wasn't sure what. I knew it had to do with my wrist. His fingers had already brushed my scab.
    Next thing I knew, he was pulling my sleeve that was hiding the scab up. He was going to see it. I wasn't sure what he would think, what he would do.
    "What's this?" His voice sounded like it was unsure whether to be angry or concerned.
    "It's just a scab." I pulled my wrist back, rubbing the sensitive skin. "When I was leaving I tripped and fell, because I was crying and couldn't see."
    That lie sounded so real to me. It sounded almost believable. But Inuyasha didn't look convinced. He was the expert on lying here, so he could probably see right through me. Though in his eyes, I could tell part of him wanted to believe me, either so he didn't start another fight, or that it would take away the thoughts of me harming myself.
    "Kagome, there's no way you did this by falling. The line is too perfect. Tell me what really happened." His voice was softer now, but it was still loud and harsh.
    I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't know if I should tell him or not. The logical thing to do would to be put an end to all of the lies and fabrications. That I would be better off with him knowing. But logic has a price, and the price would be Inuyasha's scorn. I didn't want to feel dejected.
    "I did it to myself." I mumbled.
    The look on his face was uncomprehensible. It was like he wasn't sure to be relieved I wasn't lying, or upset that he was right. Because I knew what he was thinking, it was written all over his face. He was at a loss for words.
    "Before you freak out, I'm fine now. I've overcome the part of me that wants to harm myself. The morning after I had done it I realized how dumb it was, and Sango helped me resurface. Im fine."
    He still looked like he didn't know what to say. "Kagome... I... I had my suspicions but... Why?"
    "I don't know, really. I was so distraught at the sight of you and Kikyo, that I just lost it. I don't know what came over me, but that's behind me now. So let's please move on." I tried to smile for him.
     He peered deep into my eyes, stroking the still-sore scab. Again, he was being comforting. It was very odd, but it was nice.
    It felt better now that he knew. I felt relieved I didn't have to hide. Though on the other hand, I knew it would all change, and that nothing would be the same, but it was nice to not have to fake it, or lie mediocrely through it.
    I just nodded and began to head back to the field where Sango showed me yesterday. In high hopes, I thought Inuyasha would follow me, and stay with me for a little while. I wasn't sure, but I didn't hear his footsteps and was a little disheartened to know he wasn't following behind.
    When I reached the field I looked amongst the flowers in the brighter, happier, buttery afternoon sunlight glistening through the clearing. I looked back to see Inuyasha not far behind, and my joy heightened. Something about this field, like Sango had said, took all my worries away. I found the spot where I was yesterday, and curled up. Maybe I would nap.

      My head was still spinning at the new information swirling around in my mind.Hana couldn't decode the elder's cryptic hints, and I was sure that they didn't even know what they were saying. All the while, Hana expected me to know.
   
    "Head to the my home village, located in the west. No ordinary traveller would be able to locate it, but being a miko, you should have no problems. The pure light radiating from its borders is enough to guide you through the depths of its forests." I recalled her warning me.
       
    As my feet treaded gently back to the hut I wondered if I should get help, or simply leave of my own accord. On the other hand, I could also pretend the events themselves never occured, and continued on with my life. No, I had to help now, I had promised. I wouldn't break a promise so important.
   
    Frantic voices could be heard in the distance, sounding sort of like Sango and someone else. They sounded angry, and worried. Everyone was so worried, except me. It felt as though the second I could calm down, suddenly everyone else had something to be upset over.
   
    My name was being called I realized, but Sango wasn't speaking to me; she was talking about me. Something told me that my feelings weren't nearly as safe with her as I thought they were. The other voice I was hearing had to be Inuyasha, and there must be some argument over me happening.
   
    Though I felt above my cutting, a sadness washed over me, and took hold of my existance. Sometimes I felt like I caused problems, and I knew disappearing would only cause more, but I didn't know what else I could do. My slow, steady steps continued as I contemplated my next actions.
   
    "Look, I don't know where else to look for her. You can't track her scent, and nobody's seen her, which leads me to believe that your encounter with Kikyou is still bugging her!" Sango's fierce words clipped through the muddled conversation.
   
    "She told me she was over it, so whaddaya want me to do?" Inuyasha, though ignorant, sounded much more caring than he had in a long time. Despite the fact that his words sounded negligent, his voice told me a whole other emotion, another story.
   
    "Inuyasha, you can be so... So..." Her frustration was continuing to build.
   
    "Everyone, settle down. We'll find her soon enough" Miroku's calm demeanor hushed the two of them.
   
    The footsteps led off to where I couldn't hear them. I knew if I were to return now, there would be so much commotion, and clamor, that I just wasn't ready for. My mind was at peace for once, the thoughts were settled. Even my problems and pressing decisions were gentle on my thoughts today. Hana warned me about this, the magick lulling me into a deep and unending sleep.
   
    It couldn't happen, though. I have the powers to withstand curses and strong pain, there had to be a way to avoid this dreamy state I was stuck in. Looking around didn't help, it made me sleepier. Taking in all of the soft glow of buttery sunlight grazing my face, or the gentle rustle of nearby trees. I felt trapped in a dream world, but I had no strength to get away.
   
    Everyone's worries was all I could latch onto at this point to stop me from falling under a deep unconciousness. It took me this long to realize my feet weren't even on the ground, and that I was gazing up at the sky in an awkward position on my back. The sky seemed to spin slowly, as though I was a child twirling as fast as my clumsy legs would allow, and watching the sky whirl around me. Everything complimented my peace perfectly, and I knew there was no way I would stay awake for much longer.
   
    In the distance, there were voices. Faint voices, but they were there. It seemed as they were talking to me, but I couldn't understand them, and they didn't realize who I was. I felt a wall between my mind and awareness, and my senses. Their connections were cut, and nothing from that moment appeared coherent.
   
    Although I felt like I was floating out of my own body, and couldn't destinguish the difference between a dream and life, I was sure this was the longest I had managed to stay awake after this spell. Hana had said something about tolerance, and slipped something into my grip before leaving. Quite hopelessly, I tried to move my fingers and peek at what I held clenched tightly in my hand.
   
    Now that there was a purpose for me to stay awake, my body was beginning to rejuvinate. My energy was returning the colour to my eyes, and the blood to my limbs. After a few moments my fingers began to twitch, and I caught sight of what was held in my right hand. Peering down at my pale, smooth skin, I noticed a darker contrast of brown. An herb, I realized. Yes, I remembered now.
   
    "Boil this in hot water," I remember being instructed, "It's a kind of root, found all over this area. They're called 'Velerian Roots,' and they're supposed to make you drowsy," Hana smiled at my confusion knowingly, "We used this at our village to build tolerance to this sort of sorecery and control, you'd be wise to brew this into a tea and take it once a day and try your hardest not to fall asleep."
       
    How could one teenager be so certain of herself, if she didn't even know what it was I was fixing, or who I was stopping, or why this was happening. Honestly, I felt so lost and helpless. Without my friends, I was pretty much that, and it was futile to do anything more. But, if I were to ask, I would be shot down. Inuyasha wouldn't stop to do any more "good deeds," as he called them, and would be determined to find the shards of the Shikon No Tama. I was certain, now, that this was up to me. His worry would have to wait a little longer, and his precious shards would need to wait until I could return.
   
    Regardless of the fact that I wasn't sure who to trust if I were to tell anyone anything from this point. Usually I'm so honest, and open, but I haven't been feeling like myself these days, and I'm afraid to hide even though it's necessary. I felt that I could no longer trust Inuyasha anymore, notwithstanding the fact that his situation was explained well enough for me to believe him. I said I was okay, but the wound witnessing their kiss left in my heart is still there, and tender. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to fix myself of this dark, and broken person I have become.
   
    The voices continued just as I thought they were going quiet. To me, in my returning drowsy state, it sounded like whispers, but I knew it couldn't have been. Someone, or maybe two someones, was screaming but my eardrums sounded like they had shattered, and no longer picked up the noises that would otherwise be easily detectible.
   
    Arms circled my shoulders, disrupting my crumpled position, and lifted me from the delicate spring grass beneth my body. "Kagome, there you are!" I heard in a chorus of voices as a face was very close to my own.
   
    For the life of me, I couldn't recognize them. My mind was going blanker than it had earlier. Who was I, by now? Was I still Kagome, or had my soul left behind the residue of my body on the Earth? Was this a dream? I wanted answers, needed them, but could barely stand to keepy my heavy eyelids open.
   
    "Kagome, are you okay?" The worry in their voice sounded so farmilliar, so troublesome. "Sango, she reeks of flowers." That's right, Sango. She held all my secrets close to her heart, and helped me recover. Sango, what can I possibly do to help these poor deceased Elders?
   
    "Of course, the field!" Another voice, I assumed Sango's, interjected, "The field always made me unbearably tired while I was there. I always thought that whenever I was upset enough to escape there, I had worn myself out by the time I was calm and would fall asleep. I would wake up soon after Kirara removed me from the field, but there's something wrong with those flowers."
   
    There was something wrong with what Sango was putting together, but I couldn't figure out what it was for the life of me. It made my heart pick up and my blood rush from my face, but I didn't know what was so wrong about having Sango know about the field. At this moment in time, I wasn't sure if my eyes were staying wide and straight ahead, or rolled back into my skull.
   
    "What could a buncha' flowers do to make someone unconcious? And if she made it this far. she should wake up soon, except every time she's comr back from this field, she's out for hours on end."
   
    "I don't know, but we need to get her back to Kaede and to sleep. She barely even looks alive." Sango was right about that, I felt dead already.
   
    The other person with her lifted me all the way from the ground and my vision spun for a few seconds before turning black. All I was aware of now was the bonce in the person's footsteps, and the sound of the grass ruffling beneath their feet. And that's all I could manage to propel me to live.