Reviews For DOG WHISTLE
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Reviewer: kagome8657 Signed [Report This]
Date: 25 Feb 2009 5:39:45 PM Title: Chapter 1

what the hell was that it didn't say crap it only said what she was going to do and what she bought put more effort in it that is what a story is about god i can't believe you only did THAT

Reviewer: UtterChaos247 Signed [Report This]
Date: 03 Feb 2008 2:06:02 AM Title: Chapter 1

o...kay, didn't reveal much

perhaps ch. 2'll be longer..(?)

Reviewer: Lupi Signed [Report This]
Date: 27 Sep 2007 11:12:49 PM Title: Chapter 1

... Erm. Okay. I like the idea, completely hate your execution. Basically, I love the idea of a dog whistle being used (why, I use it on the Sesshomaru in my head all the time), but this is sorely lacking in the writing department. 

First, your grammar/spelling. From what I can see, your grammar's atrocious and your spelling isn't fantastic. Please be sure to use a spell checker, and if you don't have one, find a beta to check over stuff for you. Your grammar (capital letters, fullstops, apostrophes and all that) isn't good. 'I' as in, 'I am', is -always- a capital letter. Capital letters should also be used at the beginning of all the character's names and the names of places.

Next, paragraphs are essential for a good story. When people are talking, paragraphs are used to show when a new person is talking, or to show when a nwe idea has been brought up or is going to be explained when talking normal writing. So, with the conversation between Kagomea nd Kagome's Mum, it'd look like this: 

"What am I going to do?" Cried a worried Kagome.

"Kagome what's wrong?" Kagome's Mum asked.

And so on and so forth... See how it makes it easier for us to read and understand? That's why the rule's there.  

Anyway... You said this wasn't completed. In what way? Is there another chapter and if you're adding more to this, why did you post it? Don't take my asking these questions as me having a go at you. Don't take anything I've said as an insult. You asked me to tell you if I liked this or not and I've always explained why I don't or do like things. I think you deserve to know why I think as I do.

Continue writing, I'm sure you can improve with some hard work and a little guidance. You're creative, I can see that from the idea you've had, however, you need to work on how you present your ideas. I hope to see more work from you, to see how you develop and improve. 

- Lupi 

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